


Sanity is Overrated

by FaithTheFallenAngel



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: AU, Angst, Blood, Cassandra Clare - Freeform, Catfish - Freeform, Cookies!, Emotionaly hurt Alec, Fluff, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, I don't even know why I tagged that, I've never even written a kissing scene before, M/M, Magnus in an apron, Malec, Maybe a bit, Mental Hospital AU, My OTP, Sweet Magnus, TMI AU, Touching problems, Valentine being a complete dick, Well - Freeform, Whipping, Young Sebastian, a little bit of swearing, but really just a little, gay romance is the best!, little bit of smut later, mentions of torture, no other pairings, or haven't kissed anyone for that matter, so I have no idea how it works, upseting themes, which means that that lemon sucks(no pun intended), who cares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-18
Updated: 2014-07-25
Packaged: 2018-02-09 10:38:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 30,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1979697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FaithTheFallenAngel/pseuds/FaithTheFallenAngel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It takes a stupid warlock friend and an idiotic bet for Magnus Bane to find what he was looking for his whole ridiculously long life.A certain boy, with the most beautiful blue eyes....but what if all the perfection on the outside just hides a terrible secret inside?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Welcome to the mental hospital

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is my first english fanfic ever, so I hope you guys will enjoy it!I know that the first few chapters will be kinda crapy, they're only the introduction ones...and I'm not a native english speaker, so there may be few grammar mistakes.Anyway, I hope you'll like it!  
> I don't own the characters, Cassandra Clare does... I only created dr Thompson and Layla.

„This is insane,“ I grumbled.  
„You’re supposed to be,“ Ragnor pointed out smugly. I frowned at him.  
„What? I didn’t force you into agreeing to it,“ he shrugged.  
„On the contrary, I belive you said something about burning my closet if I say no,“ I reminded him dryly and looked over the big white building ahead of us.  
„Oh, c’mon Magnus, don’t be a spoilsport. It’s just for two months.You can always run away, if it’s too much,“ my best friend coaxed.  
„And give you three ancient grimoires.No,thank you,I like my books whole.“  
„Well, let’s go then,“ he rushed me by slapping my back.I let him guide me through the front yard and into a mental hospital.

I crinkled my nose in disgust over the white walls,stench of desinfection and alarming lack of glitter. Everything was white,blue or green.Patients were all dressed in light green dressing gowns, with plain white T-shirts and, again, green slacks underneath. I shivered at the thought of wearing something like that.  
We sat on plastic chairs on a quiet hallway.Once in a while a nurse guiding a patient would pass by and give me odd look. I didn’t blame her,being stuck in an environment like that, I would flinch too at a sigh of so many colours at once.Someone should have warned that I’m coming,at least they would have a chance to take sunglasses.I made sure to stand out as much as possible,with my knee-high combat boots,painted on purple leather pants,electric blue tank top,shimering silver jacket and lots of accesories.Nothing makes you look more crazy than being a male and looking like a disco ball.  
„Mr. Fell, Mr. Bane, you can go in,“ a young woman called.We stood up and went into the shrink’s office.  
I had a terrible need to check my rainbow nail polish from the colour shortage.The whole office was painted light blue.Behind a white wooden desk sat the completely ordinary looking doctor in white cloak and with a name tag,that said Ph.D. G.Thompson.Nice.Isn’t Thompson a gun?  
„Good afternoon, sirs.Please, sit down,“ he invited us.  
„Good afternoon,doctor,“ Ragnor responded and shook hands with him and sat on one of two armchairs placed in front of the desk.I did the same,though in a lazy manner.I’m supposed to be crazy,so what does it matter, if I act imature?After I crossed my legs comfortably, I started to inspect the doctor’s name tag again and considered how much I’d bet on a chance, that his first name is Gregory.  
„So, how can I help you? I read through the letter you send me,Mr Fell.You mentioned that your friend might need a further medical examination.Why do you think so?“ Greg asked.  
„Well, Magnus, why don’t you tell your life story to this lovely man?“ Ragnor suggested.The amused glint in his eyes annoyed me,but I knew that if I don’t want to lose the bet,I’ll have to do it.I set my eyes back on my nails and started talking.  
„I was born to a demon and a human.My mother hated me,because of my cat eyes and because I reminded her of the demon that raped her.She couldn’t bare looking at me and commited suicide.Her human husband tryied to kill me after that, but since I’m a warlock, I managed to burn him to ashes and save myself. I was raised by Silent brothers,who named me Magnus Bane. After I grew up I went to live on my own.Next few decades was a training time for me, I experimented with my power.Around the age of eighty I settled on helping other Downwolders.I sometimes had and still have rough sex with my clients,but never with anyone from the Faeyfolk,they are too sneaky and their men too feminine.I had a long term relationship with a vampire named Camille,but when I found out that she’s a manipulative bitch I broke up with her and left her in Paris, where she probably still spends her free time hooking up with random mundanes.Since then I’ve lived in Brooklyn with my cat,Chairman Meow.At least twice a week I throw a party for Downwolders,but I never allow vampires or werewolfs to attend at once,for that would cause too much paperwork eith the Clave and a mess,that nobody would bother to help clean.Happy?“ I talked emotionlessly.  
Ragnor gave the doctor a pointy look that screamed What did I tell you?,while the doctor himself just stared at me for few seconds.He then cleared his throat.  
„So,Magnus,how old exactly are you?“ he asked,voice raspy.  
„Eight hundred twenty something.I only count decades,“ I answered calmly,amused at how he tryied to keep a straight face.  
„And how are you feeling right now?“  
„Sexualy deprived and depressed.My werewolf fuck buddy left early today without second round and with my favourite silk boxers,“ I told him.The empty space after that garment will never really be filled again.But I couldn’t really wallow in self-pity at the moment,watching the doctor trying to process what I said and Ragnor‘s desperate attempts to suppress laughter, was much more entertaining.  
„So,will you help him?“ Ragnor then asked.  
„Yes.Although I’m afraid he’s in need of immediate medical attention.He should stay here.“Thompson said. Me and Ragnor mentaly high-fived.Mission acomplished.


	2. Fateful meeting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing except the plot, Layla and dr Thompson.  
> Enjoy the new chap!

I started regreting ever agreeing to Ragnor’s challenge about ten minutes later, when the nurses told me that I can’t wear my clothes here.  
„It would be unfair toward the other patients,“ they told me.  
I don’t remember feeling so desperate in the past few decades and that’s saying something, considering that one time when Tessa made fun of me and took Chairman Meow away to London without telling me. Needless to say that I had a terrible panic attack and searched for my dear cat everywhere.Tessa gave him back the exact day I arranged a funeral.  
Clothes were always my way of expressing myself. If I felt bad, all I had to do was put on my rainbow leather pants, shirt with sequins and tons of glitter into my hair and nobody would suspect a thing.  
And now they took that away from me. I had to wear the same thing like the rest of the patients here.  
Half an hour later I was dressed in a white cotton tee shirt, green slacks, green dressing gown and slippers. My eye was twitching. Ragnor standing before me with a smirk and poorly hidden snicker was only the cherry on top.  
„We’ll see who laughs, after I return home and take the Book of White from you,“ I said, more to reassure myself.  
„Yeah, yeah, sure Maggie, whatever you say. But I know you. I give it a week until you really start loosing your mind from the lack of colour and glitter,“ he snorted.  
„Just you wait. And take care of Chairman,“ I reminded him.  
„Sure. Farewell, Magnus Bane, the high warlock of Mental hospital,“ he exclaimed loudly and made his way to the exit. I heard his laughter even when the door closed behind his retreating form.  
And just like that I was trapped in there with who knows how many insane people, even crazier nurses and a doctor with a weird name.  
The nurses showed me to my room.It had number 142 and looked like everything else – dull and plain. My head was spinning. I could also see two beds, which made me feel even worse. What if I have a roommate?  
Thankfully I don‘t.  
After that nice silent tour, I was guided into a big day room. It was spacious, with round tables, wooden easels, bookcases and sofas. Walls weren’t as bare as the rest of the nuthouse, they were filled with paintings, which were probably mostly made by the patients. Speaking of them, there were about thirty, some playing board games, others just sitting around and staring out the windows, or creating another wall decorations.  
I just stood there, unsure of what to do. I never played Sorry when I was a child(it wasn’t invented yet, but still) and wasn’t planning to start now. At home I would be content with lounging on my hot pink couch with Chairman Meow and watching old episodes of Supernatural, but there’s no TV and even if there was, I doubt they’d let mentaly damaged people watch a series about ghosts and demons.  
Maybe I could read a bit, although I doubt that they’ll have anything else than fairy tales. I made my way towards the bookcase in the far end of the room. I saw that one patient was sitting in an armchair with his face hidden behind a giant book. A tale of two cities. Well, if they have Dickens here, then It can’t be that bad.  
No. It’s terrible. There was no fantasy, no Sci-fi or teenage drama like Twilight or stuff(not that I’d like to read that,it just first popped on my mind) I had a dilema choosing between Red Riding Hood and Sleeping Beauty.  
„Oh God, kill me already. I’m gonna go crazy,“I whined quietly and plopped myself on a grey sofa, giving up hope on finding something readable.  
„Yeah, if you’re not nuts when you get here, give it few months and you’ll be a nutcase for sure,“ that boy sitting next to me said. He didn’t lower his book and all I could see was a mop of wild raven hair, so I just assumed that he’s a boy, considering that his voice wasn’t deep as grown man’s.  
„Yeah?Can’t wait,“ I snorted and run a hand through my hair. It already started to fall into my eyes,without hair spray.  
„It’s not that bad. Sanity is overrated,“ he said nonchalantly.I turned towards him, since there was nobody else to talk to. I could see that he was sitting kinda weird, as if he was hiding on purpose, but I could see his muscular arms, since he didn’t have that terrible dressing gown on.There were also many scars on his pale skin,that made me wonder how he got them. Another long one was on his slightly visible colar bone.Those scars however didn’t make his body ugly. If anything, it only caught my interest more. He was sexy as hell and I wanted to know why he’s hiding behind that book.  
„So how long have you been here?“ I asked curiously.  
„Two years. Or something like that. I don’t really count days. It’s useless in here,“ he shrugged. My mind was momentariously distracted by the way the muscles on his upper arms flexed with that motion.  
„That’s a long time. How come you’re not insane already?“ I incredulously asked. I couldn’t imagine two months and he’s here two years? He must have pretty strong will, or maybe he is insane. How can I tell? I‘ve never met an insane person before.  
„How can you know I’m not?“ he retorted and tilted his head to the left a little. Not enough to show his face, but enough to allow me to get a better look on his neck. Another scar rounded it, this one wider, from a deeper wound. My curiosity was peaked.  
„Good point.You don’t look or speak like a crazy person,“I shrugged. He chuckled at that.It was a beautiful melodic sound and I wanted to hear it again.  
„You don’t know how I look,“ he pointed out.  
„True, but I’d like to.You’re the one who’s covering up, darling,“ I remarked.  
„Maybe I don’t want you to see me,“ he said quietly and I could decipher a shy tone.  
„Why?“I raised my eyebrows.  
„‘Cause I hate it when people stare at me.“  
„Then I promise not to stare.“  
„You will. Everyone does,“ he told me tiredly and closed the book.  
My whole body went still then. If it wasn’t for my Ghándí like self control, my jaw would probably hit the floor.  
He was the most beauiful boy I have ever seen in my entire life.  
There must have been a sign Made on Olymph on him, because there was no way for a mere human to look so perfect. His skin was porcelain white and stretched over his high cheekbones, defined but still delicate jaw and straight nose.The curve of his lips was made with such precision that I had a sudden urge to kiss them.  
But what enchanted me the most were his eyes. Saphire-like, framed by lashes so dark they looked almost feminine. When I looked at them, my mind filled with thoughts of a clear summer sky, the ocean and electric blue flash lights.They were simply mesmerizing.  
I stared, but for different reason then he thought I should. It took me a few long seconds to register a wide crooked scar, going from the middle of his left cheek, up over his eyelid and into his hairline.  
He looked really uncomfortable, but thank God that I didn’t look away, because that would mean missing that delicious pink blush,spreading across his cheeks.  
He wasn’t just beautiful.He was also adorable.  
„I told you you would stare. Have you never seen a scar or what?“he snapped and ducked his head nervously.That motion hid those amazingly blue orbs behind a courtain of silky-looking black locks.  
„My apologies, darling.I just never saw a beauty such as yourself. And as for that scar, we all have something.It would be unfair to be completely flawless, don’t you think?“I said and watched with satisfaction as his face became a darker shade of red.  
„Have you ever looked in a mirror?“he muttered quietly, without any reaction to my compliments. My my, did he just told me I’m beautiful? Well, nothing new, but coming from him it made me feel weirdly warm.  
„Thank you, sweetie,“ I beamed at him and he flinched.  
„Why are you calling me by pet names?“ he asked and fidgeted with the hem of his tee shirt. I chuckled at that.  
„Because I like them. And also because I don’t know your real one,“  
„Oh,“ he said, as if he only now realised.   
„So what is it? Or I could just continue with Darling and Sweetie,“I smirked when he still hasn’t respond.  
„A-Alexander. But I prefer Alec,“ he stuttered. I smirked again. Of course he would have a perfect name like that. Alexander…He will be mine.I’ll do whatever it takes to have him.


	3. Adjusting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, next chapter is here!  
> All characters belong to Cassandra Clare, only dr Thompson and Layla are mine.

Well, as I found out, getting him will be harder then first anticipated.  
How do you become intimate with a person who refuses any kind of physical contact?Because that’s Alexander’s problem.  
After I introduced myself, I reached a hand for him to take and shake, but he just stared at it and with some more stuttering explained that he’s got touching problems.I think that kind of woke me up.I’m in a mental hospital and talking to a guy,who I know next to nothing about, only the fact, that he’s sexy as fuck.There has to be a reason why he’s here and it has something to do with the fact that he’s covered in scars.But it’s too late to back off now.Only I shouldn’t try to sexually harass him.Much.  
I was so lost in my own thoughts, that I completely forgot to respond to Alec’s problem.  
„It’s okay.Really,I get it,“ I assured him and he slowly looked up and met my gaze for the first time.As I stared into those blue depths, I realised that his irises have more shades of blue in them.They were elctric blue around pupils, but then they changed to cerulean and edges were baby blue.  
Suddenly almost all colour was swallowed by black, when his pupils dilated in surprise.  
„Your eyes…“ he whispered hoarsely.I frowned.I had my glamour on,so they should look like green human ones.  
„What’s with them?“I asked.He looked really surprised and a little scared.  
„They’re like cat’s.“  
I gulped,self-conscious for some reason.  
„Do they…repulse you?“I asked slowly.Again,surprise appeared on his face.He was like an open book,without a trace of lie and every emotion clearly displayed in his eyes.  
„No!No.They are beautiful.I like them.“he admited and ducked his head shyly.  
Every bit of self-consciousness vanished and I beamed at him.  
„Thank you,Alexander.“  
„You’re welcome,Magnus.But,if you don’t mind me asking,what exactly are you?I figured that you’re a Downworlder,but I don’t know what…you know…“he said with few stutters.  
I could swear that if my mouth opened any more, I’d look like Jeff the Killer.I quickly closed it and tried to recover from the shock.Okay,so he doesn’t only have the Sight, but also a knowledge about Shadow world species.If he knows already,it won’t hurt to tell him,right?  
„I’m a warlock,“I stated,still wondering, how could he know, when he’s just a mundane.Or isn’t he?  
„Oh!I’ve heard of your kind before, but never got a chance to meet one,“he said.  
„So how do you know?“I gave up to my curiosity.  
„I was supposed to be a Shadowhunter,“he said with sudden sadness clouding his features and pain in his eyes.  
„Supposed to be?How come you’re not then?“I questioned.It all made sence now,the scars and Sight, but what is he doing here?  
„I don’t really want to talk about that.Let’s just say that I’m not,“he whispered, as if even thinking about it pained him.I didn’t want to cause him any pain,so I gave in.  
„Alright,“I nodded and we stayed quiet for a while,both lost in our own thoughts.  
„So why are you here?If you don’t mind telling me.You don’t look or speak like an insane person,“he spoke up suddenly.  
I couldn’t help but smile.He used the same phrasing as me.   
„My best friend dared me to stay here for some time,“I revealed.His eyes widened in disbelief.  
„Your friend dared you to go to a mental hospital?!“he repeated.I smiled unhappily.  
„Yep.But it’s worth it.And besides, it ain’t that bad here,“I smiled brightly at Alec.He blushed, bud still looked a little fazed.  
„I don’t understand what can be so important that you’d agree to something ike that,“he said.  
„A very,very old spell book.Only one on the whole world actually.It contains some of the most powerfull spells ever created,“I told him.  
„So your friend is also a warlock?“  
„Yeah.One of my oldest friends.He’ll maybe come visit me here, to laugh in my face and to tell me about Chairman Meow.“  
„Who’s Chairman Meow?“  
„My cat,“I smiled affectionately.  
„Well that’s a very…unique name.I used to have a cat too.Church was it’s name,“he said,his eyes darkened by memories.Suddenly his face scrunched in pain and he pressed his hands to his temples.  
„Alec?Hey,are you okay?“I asked with concern.He was slightly panting and his eyes looked little watery.I wanted to reach out for him to show some comfort,but I remembered his aversion to touching even my hand,so I kept my hugs to myself for the time being.  
„I’m fine.Sorry.Just some memories I’d rather not have,“he croaked.  
„Don’t apologise,darling.We all have some things that we don’t want to remember,“I told him soothingly.His lips curved up a little and I relaxed with relief.  
„I thought you’ll stop with those pet names,“he said.  
„Does it bother you?“I raised my eyebrows flirtariously.That delicious blush was back and I was glad that he didn’t look troubled anymore.  
„I don’t…extremely mind,“he admited.I smiled at him.  
Just then the door opened and a row of nurses came inside.They started talking to patients and they one by one left with them.  
„Dinner time.Wanna sit with me?“Alec offered and stood up.  
„Yeah,I’d love that,“I agreed.  
We were taken to a dining room.It looked like most cafeterias,just more guarded.A line was formed in front of a glassless window, where patients got their food and medication.I remember that the doctor said something about pills, but I didn’t really pay attention and it’s not like I’m planning on taking them anyway.  
I let Alec stand before me.He always made sure that there was at least one feet distance between him and other people,including me.I wonder why he hates touching that much,but I’m not going to push him into telling me.  
We got our stuff and went to sit down.I have no idea what that food was supposed to be,it looked like mush.I had three little round tablets for dessert.  
„What are you going to do with them?I doubt swallowing, at least if you don’t want to get high,“Alec asked with his dose already down.  
„No,I’m gonna snap them somewhere else.Maybe to someone’s drink or Ragnor’s dinner.Yeah,that’ll be the best place,“I thought aloud.Alec just chuckled.  
I did as I said.I dropped all pills on my tongue and made a grimace at their bitter taste.With a snap of my fingers under the table they disappeared and left only the aftertaste.I drank some water quickly and then tried to eat some of that disgusting looking meal.  
Dinner ended without the two of us talking anymore.We simply enjoyed each others company.  
We separated with a simple Good night and then were taken to our rooms to take some necessities for showering.That was another thing I was not prepared for.  
The bathroom was small,with tiled white walls and anti-slip floor.We had only ten minutes to clean ourselves with a hard soap.I almost screamed in frustration when the water wasn’t hot , only warm enough hat we don’t freeze.  
„Oh Ragnor,I’m so going to get that stupid book,“I swore to myself and quickly scrubbed myself.The soap was non-scented.That does it.I checked the nurse and noticed that she wasn’t looking my way, so I snapped my fingers quiently and summoned my favourite tube of sandalwood shampoo and lemon grass soap,used them and send back home.If I can’t do stuff I want,I’ll at least smell myslef.  
When the nurse guided me back to my room,I learned that her name is Layla from the small plastic name tag on her uniform.She had pretty long brown hair and tired grey eyes.  
I kinda wanted to talk to her,but it was to late,we already arrived to my room.  
Once inside,I quickly checked it for cameras and found none,so I took care of the terrible mattres and conjured another,softer one.  
Falling asleep was harder then expected, some patients started howling in their rooms or screaming, or doing other stuff.I shuddered at a sound that terribly resembled masturbating.  
With an annoyed huff I covered my ears with a pillow,but that didn’t help at all.  
I can’t have a hot shower,can’t perform magic openly,can’t watch TV,can’t have sex and now they won’t even let me sleep?  
„Fuck you,Ragnor Fell!!!“I yelled.  
All that noise kept going until early morning and then it stopped.I was on the verge of sending a soud reflecting spell on my room.Wait,why didn’t I do it in the first place?Fuck!I’m an idiot,I cursed myslef and then finally fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it!  
> The next one should be up tomorrow.  
> Lots of love!


	4. Getting to know each other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter four is here!  
> All characters belong to Cassandra Clare, except Layla and dr Thompson.

I was awoken by a loud buzzing sound and a harsh voice saying: „Rise and shine!“  
„Leave me alone, Ragnor or I’ll make sure you wake up with your room full of Phouka demons,“I yelled.  
„Yeah yeah,I’m no Ragnor,sleepy head.“that voice continued and got closer.I blinked confusedly.That’s not Ragnor.What the hell is a woman doing in my flat?And why is my pillow so weird?  
I slowly raised my head and looked around.Oh,right!I’m in a nuthouse.  
„Any reason why you’re disturbing my beauty sleep?“I raised my eyebrows on the short,fat woman.  
„Breakfast will be in thirty minutes.I’m here to také you to the bathroom,“she rolled her eyes.  
I gave a heavy sigh and left the warmth of the bed.  
„Is there a reason why you’re escorting me everywhere?I’m not going to smash my head to the wall the first chance I get,you know?“I grumbled and put on my hospital clothes.  
I looked really ridiculous without any glitter,hair-spray or acessories.Thank God that I used waterprof and long lasting mascara and eye-liner before Ragnor made me do this.I ran my hand through my hair and ruffled it so that it looks like my usual spikes.  
„Hurry up,you’re not the only one who needs to get to the bathroom,“that woman,nurse told me.   
„Yeah,sure.This beauty takes time you know?I can’t always wake up like a masterpiece,“I said with my signature cocky smile.That wasn’t complete true.I’m gorgeous even without make-up,but I feel naked that way.  
After I finally got ready,we left the room.  
I was surprised to see five more people there,one of them Alec.I smiled brightly at him.  
„Hi there,darling,“I greeted.He blushed at the name,but smiled a little.  
„Good morning,Magnus,“he said.  
We were lead to the bathroom and left to brush our teeth and do other stuff.  
„How did you sleep?“I asked casually,when we went for breakfast.  
„Didn’t.What about you?“he retorted.I looked at him,surprised and saw that he’s got purple bags under his beautiful eyes.  
„I slept fine,but why didn’t you?“  
„I have nightmares,“he shrugged.Oh.Poor guy.This place will probably give them to me too,if every night goes like the last one.  
We stood in line like yesterday.  
We got something that looked like scrambled eggs,except there was no yolk.  
„Does all food look like it came from Nabucadnezar?“I complained.  
„Who’s Nabucadnezar?“Alec asked and gave me an adorable confused look.  
„Haven’t you seen the Matrix?“  
He just shooked his head.I sighed.They really need to get a TV here.  
„It’s a battle ship.I don’t know how to explain the plot of the whole movie to you.You’d have to see it,“I said.He looked dissapointed.  
„But I can try.I can’t quarantee you’ll understand,though,“I added and his face visibly brightened.  
So I started to explain who’s Neo and Trinity and Morpheus and soon the breakfast ended.  
We made our way to the day room with a dozen nurses in row and sat by the same bookcase as the day before.  
Alec was a great listener.Sometimes he stopped me and wanted further specification about how big Sion was and why Trinity loved Neo so much.It took a while to get through all three movies and I wished we could watch them together.  
I asked about his favourite movie from when he lived normally outside the nuthouse,but his face darkened and he looked like he was in pain again.It passed after few seconds,but left me really concerned.I wanted to help him,to know what’s causing him that pain,but I knew that it’s something he’ll have to tell me on his own pace,when he’s ready.  
Insted he wanted to know more about me.  
„What does a warlock like you do?Walk around and curse people?“he asked playfully.It amazed me,how quickly he could switch between moods.  
„Only if I get paied enough and a prove that the person deserves it.But I never hurt people.That’s my policy,“I said.  
„Oh.So you’re a good warlock?“  
I smiled at that.He had a naive view of the world.Probably thanks to this place and all those fairytales books.  
„There’s nothing like a good or a bad warlocks out there,Alec.More like the ones who don’t kill people and those who don’t care,“I revealed.  
„Then I’m glad you’re the former.But I still don’t get what you do on a normal day,“he wanted to know.I smiled fondly at him.So curious and adorable.  
„I have clients.Sometimes mundanes,but mostly other Downlwolders.The want love potions on daily bases.Spells for greassy skin or pranks on their enemies.I never charge low,so the have to be quite rich to be able to get my service.“  
„How many clients do you have?“  
„Daily?“  
„Yes.“  
„Around three or four.“  
„And what about free days?“  
„I don’t have them that often.When you don’t have office hours,you have to be prepared for action every minute.I had to make Ragnor to take some of my appointments for this vacation.My magic is very desired.“  
„So are you like some big boss?“Alec continued to ask.  
„High warlock to be precise.Brooklyn and most of New York are my territory,“I corrected him.  
„Oh.So you’re pretty powerfull I take it,“he said in awe.  
„Well,I mostly perform spells that even a young warlock could,but I guess that people come to me because I’m trustworthy,“I said nonchalantly.  
„What’s the best thing about being a high warlock?Other than magic?“he asked.  
I loved that exicited look on his face.He was like a child on Christmas.But I guess it makes sence.He’s been here for two years and haven’t spoken to anyone from outside.  
I thought for a second.  
„Flexible shedule.I can always sleep in,“I smiled.  
„I never slept in.Must be nice,“he said dreamily.  
„How come?Don’t you have a free day on Sunday or something?“I bulged my eyes.  
„No.This is a mental hospital,not a beauty resort.We have to keep a routine.It helps some people,especialy autistic ones,“he told me.  
„Well,thank God I won’t be staying here then,“I huffed.He stayed quiet,after that.I understood him a bit.He’s probably sad that I’ll leave.It fluttered me a little.  
„So,do you have other friends then just me?“he shook his head,still with that gloomy expression.My eyebrows shot up.  
„How is that possible?You’re a sweet guy!Why don’t you have anyone?“I asked incredulously.  
„I’m not a sociable person.Most people here are used to show affection by hugging and hand holding and this stuff,because it helps them stay in pressent moment.I can’t provide that.And besides,I’m rather alone,reading or drawing,“he explained.  
I looked around the room and for the first time stopped on individuals.It was true.Two women held hands and showed each other stoffed animals.Few others were walking in circles and singing some kid’s song.  
„I guess you’re right.But doesn’t it bother you that I’m here with you?You said that you prefer being alone,“I asked,suddenly worried.His eyes widened.  
„No,no!I like it when you’re here.It’s nice to talk to you,“he admited,cheeks red again.  
„Don’t you mind that I’m not touching you though?“  
„I’m glad you see it that way.I like talking to you too.And no,I don’t mind that you don’t like touching.You obviously have a reason for it.I’m perfectly content with hearing that beautiful voice of yours,“I smiled sweetly at him.He ducked his head and hid behind his overgrown hair.  
„My voice is not beautiful,“he mumbled,embarrassement crystal clear on his flushed face.  
„I beg to differ.Now,what were you saying about drawing?“I changed the topic.


	5. Talents and Touches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really have anything to say, just the same old thing: I own nada.

I sat and gaped in amazement into the scratch pad that Alec shyly presented to me.  
„I know it’s not that good,just please don’t laugh,“the mentioned boy said.He probably interpreted my amazed look as something bad.  
I just turned my head, and instead of the detailed drawing of a rose covered in droplets of water stared at him.  
„Are you fuckin‘ kidding me?Why would I laugh?Where the hell did you learn to draw like this?“I got out.Really,those were like photos,just black and white.  
His gaze drifted to the floor and I saw that his cheeks got that delicious pik colour again.  
„Um…I started in here.It gets boring sometimes,just sitting around,staring into space,“he mumbled in embarrassment.  
„Yeah,no shit,but how can you get this good in it?I mean,when I’m bored,I start singin‘ Adam Lambert,but that dousn’t mean that I’ll be able to hit notes like him.You on the other hand are an amazing artist.I tell you,if you tryied to sell those,they’d make you a fortune,“I gushed.  
At that,the light pink turned into a full red blush.  
„T-Thanks,“he stuttered.  
„You’re quite welcome,darling,“I waved adn continued going through the scetch book.I stopped at two last drawings.One was a family portrait.There was a tall man,a woman,little girl and two boys.When I squinted a little,I realised that the tallest boy looked like Alec.  
„Is this your family?“I asked curiously.Alec just nodded.I opened my mouth to ask where they are,but the look on his face stopped me.Those blue eyes were suddenly filled with saddnes and pain.I didn’t know why,but he obviously hated even thinking about them,or his past,so I just took a good look and moved to the end.I underestand,that when you have a dark past,it’s hard to talk about it.  
„Wow.“I breathed,after seeing the last piece.It was a coloured scenery of a city made of glass.I imediatelly knew where it is.  
„You drew Alicante?“I asked in disbelief.  
It was beautiful.I could see a small girl with long black hair,standing next to a tree on a hill,holding a baby wrapped in brown blanket.I recognized that girl from the previous drawing.Alec’s sister?  
„Yes.I was born there,“Alec nodded.  
„Your sister is cute,“I commented in an attempt to make him tell me more.  
„Sorry.I didn’t mean to pry,“I apologised quickly,when he hung his head and tensed all over.  
„It’s okay.Her name was Isabelle.And the baby,my brother,was Max,“the boy whispered in broken voice.Sadness clouded my mind and realisation started kickin‘ in.He used past tense.They must be dead then.Probably even his parents,if only a picture of them made him upset.  
„You and Isabelle look a lot alike.I’m sorry Alec.I know how hard it is to lose someone precious,“I symphatized with him.  
„Do you?“he sniffed and with a start I registered that he was silently crying.  
„Yeah.I’ve lived for a very long time and sometimes I got close to people.When they die it’s always hard and painfull,“I told him.  
„What about your family?Aren’t they warlocks too?“Alec said,regaining his composure again and wiping his eyes.  
„No.You don’t know who warlocks are?“I didn’t feel like telling him my own life story with his current mood,so I changed the subject slightly.  
He shook his head in confusion.  
What surprised me was that he was looking at me directly now,his blue orbs rimmed in red,but flaming with intensity,as if there wasn’t anything more important then our talk.I figured that he’s probably trying to focus on something else,just to forget about his own family.My heart swelled with sorrow.I wanted to make him feel better.Maybe if he trusted me enough,I could provide more comfort then just words.But I’ll gain that trust only if I give something in return.  
„Warlocks are born to a human and a demon,“I said.  
„Oh,“was his only response.He didn’t add anything,so I just continued talking,because his look still resembled a drowning man.  
„My mum was raped by a demon few months before her wedding.Her husband knew I wasn’t his son,because of my eyes.They are my warlock mark,along with the fact that I don’t have a belly-button,“I explained.Alec slowly started to relax,though he still focused on what I was saying.  
„You don’t have a belly-button?“he asked with raised eyebrows.  
I smirked,rolled my T-shirt up and pointed at my exposed stomach to prove my point.I had only smooth caramel coloured skin.  
Alec’s mouth opened a little and I was surprised that his pupils dilated a little,while his eyes lingered on my body longer than normal.  
Well well well…I guess I’m not the only one who bat’s for the other team then.  
He probably came to realise that he’s staring,because he quickly diverted his eyes and looked straight into mine instead.I saw his Adam’s apple move,when he gulped.  
„Could I-“ he started and then bit his bottom lip.I probably shouldn’t find that adorable,but I did.  
„What do you want,darling?“I encouraged him.  
„I-Could I-touch it?“he choked out,face burning.My eyes widened.  
His gaze returned to my stomach,still bitting his lip nervously,hands fiddling with his sleeve.  
„But I thought you didn’t like touching?“I asked hesitantly.  
„I-I’d like to t-try,“he stuttered a little,but with determination.  
„Okay.“I nodded and still held the hem of my T-shirt in line with my rib cage.  
The exhibicionist in me didn’t even care that I’m showing my body on cameras like that.  
Alec gulped again and slowly reached a shaking hand towards me.  
My heart sped up.  
We didn’t even shake hands and now he’s going to touch my stomach.How weird is that?  
I watched his face.  
It showed nervousness,embarrassment and fear.Why is he so afraid?  
With a last deep breath his fingertips brushed over that spot where the dip of my belly-button should be.  
I sucked in a quick breath.  
It was like static electricity shot into me through his fingers.  
He pulled back with a shocked expression, so I knew he felt it as well.  
We just stared at each other.  
I allowed the soft fabric to cover me up again.  
„So,uh,how long is it since you last touched anybody?“I asked,just to break the sudden tension between us.He blinked,looking kinda dizzy.  
„Um…since I came here?Two years,“he slowly said,as if not completely trusting his voice.It took me few seconds to find mine.  
„Wow.Well,me and my stomach are flattered that you decided to break it with us,“I smiled to lighten the mood and he timidly returned it.  
„I don’t know why,but I have a feeling that I can trust you.Is it to weird?“he asked worriedly,while chewing his lip again.  
„Darling,you’re going to split it,if you continue biting your lips like that.And no,it’s not weird.I feel the same,“I assured him.  
He blushed and released the abused flesh from his teeth.God,how I wanted to do it instead of him.   
„Bane?“someone called.I turned my head towards that person,who dared to disturb that nice moment.  
„Layla!How are you?“I asked the nurse after recognising her as my last night escort.She seemed surprised that I talked to her.  
„I’m good,thank you.It’s time for your appointment,“she informed me.  
„I have an appointment?“I asked with confusion.She laughed.  
„Yes,the doctor wants to see you,“she explained and then turned to Alec. „Good morning,Alexander.How are your wrists?“ Wait,what?What’s with his wrists?I tryied looking,but they were covered by sleeves.  
„Alright,thank you.“he answered quietly,catching the direction of my gaze and tugging the fabric down even more.I wanted to know what he’s hiding,but I didn’t have a chance to ask.  
„Let’s go,“Layla said,grabbed my arm and guided me out of the room.  
„I’ll see you later!“I called,before the door closed behind us.I saw him wave and had to smile at that,even if just a little.  
My curiosity got the better of me and I started talking more to Layla to find out something more about Alec.I figured that I’ll need to get closer to her first,so I began with small things.  
„So,Layla,do you like working here?“I casually asked.  
„Yes,I do.At least most of the time,“she answered.Her voice was sorta melancholic.Empty.I frowned,getting interested in hearing her story.  
„Really?What do you like about it?“I tryied.  
„Why do you ask?“she retorted.  
„I’m curious.You’re a young pretty woman.You should be out,enjoying life,not watch a bunch of crazy people,“I shrugged.  
„You talk like an old man and I’m probably at least twenty years older than you,“she smiled.There was a tiny spark in her hazel eyes now.  
„I’m not that young and you’re not that old.I think that a person is as old as they feel to be,“I returned her smile.  
„That’s true I guess,but you still can’t escape time.But thank you for your wise observations,Mr.Bane,“she said.  
„Mr.Bane?Now I really feel old.Call me Magnus,darling,“I waved my hand.She chuckled.  
„Alright,Magnus.Why don’t you tell me something?How did you manage to befriend Alexander?He never spoke to anyone here,“she asked.I did a happy dance in my head.Am I not lucky today?I didn’t even have to force her into speaking about him.  
„I noticed.But he was the one who spoke to me first,“I said.  
„Well,that’s surprising.But I’m glad he finally has a friend.“  
„Me too,“I smiled fondly.  
„It’s nice to see him being so open with somebody.“  
„I wouldn’t say open.We’re just kinda warming up to each other yet,“I told her,remembering the moments when he would hide from me in pain.  
„You can’t expect him to tell you everything after such a short time.Life wasn’t very kind to him,“she said with a troubled expression.  
„I figured that much,“I nodded.  
„Well,if you want to know more,you’ll have to ask Alexander himself.I can’t give you any personal information,“she told me,probably catching up on my interrogation technique.  
„I know.I just wonder what could happen to him,that made him so afraid of touching.When he did it today,he looked terrified,“I mussed.  
„What do you mean?He tryied to touch you?“she stopped walkig and just gaped at me.It made me a little uncomfortable,but giddy at the same time,being the first one he touched in such a long time.  
„Not just tryied.He actually did,“I exclaimed happily.Again,just an unbelieving stare.  
„Who are you,Magnus Bane?Doctor Thompson tryied everything to get him to allow himself to be touched and suddenly,he does it with you,even without really knowing you?“she asked incredulously.  
„What can I say?I have a magical charm,“I smiled smugly.She rolled her eyes at me.  
We stopped in front of a plain white door.I recognised them as doctor Thompson’s office from before.  
„We’re here.Make sure to answer all doctor’s questions and don’t forget to mention Alexander,“Layla instructed.  
„I think I’ll let Alec tell him.I’m not gonna say it,when the succes isn’t mine.It was Alec,who mustered the courage to do it,not me,“I told her.She just smiled,patted my shoulder(she had to reach quite high,considering I was seven or eight inches taller then her) and knocked on the door.I heard an invitation being called and Layla pushed me inside the office.


	6. Paintings and Inner conflicts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing and yada yada yada...  
> Go ahead and read.

Doctor Thompson was not a very nice man.  
I got that feeling from just few moments of our talk.He was that kind of person, who just keeps on telling you,that he knows more then you and that he’s always right.How can someone like him get a job like this is beyond me.  
At first, he asked how I’m adjusting and how was my morning.  
I wholeheartedly complained about the water temperature, shitty food and the night noise.  
He didn’t offer any explanation, which made me belive that he hears stuff like this a lot,but doesn’t do anything about it.  
After that, he started analysing my story.He asked about my parents, the house we lived in and our family situation.My mother killed herself and my step-father tried to drown me.I wonder what our situation could have been like?  
I swear that if he asks another idiotic question,I’ll turn him into a goat or something.  
Okay,maybe not,but a man can dream,right?  
„It was eight hunder years ago, how the Hell am I supposed to remember wheather my mother’s parents had any diseases?It was the twelfth century,for Christ’s sake!“ I exclaimed, annoyed.  
„Magnus,you were not alive in the twelfth century.It’s imposible for a human to live for eight hundred years,“he said as if speaking to a child.I just gave a loud sigh.  
„Maybe if you listened to what I said, you wouldn’t have to point out the obvious.I’m not human,“I told him,though I knew that he’ll never belive me and I can’t make him.If I showed him my magic, it would mean breaking the Law and Shadowhunters would hunt me in no time.  
So I just patiently waited for when he finishes that rant about non-existent magic, monsters and other creatures.He probably decided that I’m more nuts than he thought.  
„You may return to the day room now,Magnus.And think about what we talked about.There are no demons to protect yourself from.You’re safe here.You don’t need magic to survive,“he said in the same soothing voice he was using that whole time.  
„Okay.I’ll send you the bills after I stop using it then,“ I snorted and left the office.

When I got back to the day room,I couldn’t see Alec.It took me few minutes to find him.When I did, he was seated behind an easel,painting.  
I tiptoed behind him and peaked over his shoulder.  
My jaw fell, when I saw that he was painting me.He was working on my eyes at the moment,mixing different shades of yellow and green and quietly cursing, when none looked right.  
„Maybe you just need a model,“I suggested and laughed when he jumped in surprise and turned around at lightning speed.  
„Magnus!Don’t scare me like that!“he scolded and I chuckled with palms raised up as a sign of peace offering.  
„Sorry,sorry,I couldn’t resist,“ I smiled and pulled a chair opposite him.  
Alec faked a pout,but then started mixing colours again.  
„I can’t get your eyes right,“he grumbled, „The shape is different then an average person’s.Are you Asian or something?“  
I was lost in his gentle movements for a second,before answering,that way he stroke the brush acros the canvas was simply hypnotising.  
„I’m part Indonesian,“I confrimed and continued to watch his hand.  
„I see,“he nodded without looking at me.  
„So,how was your first appointment?If you don’t mind me asking,“he said after a while with an attempted casuality,but I could see a curious spark in his eyes.So I told him.  
„Maybe you should just pretend that you don’t belive it anymore.He yould leave you alone then,“Alec commented.  
„Yeah,but what if he released me?I can’t leave,that would mean losing the bet,“I said.  
„He wouldn’t release you.Not if you told him all this.He probably thinks you’re schizofrenic,“Alec said,brow scrunched in focus.I couldn’t keep my eyes of him,he looked adorable like that.  
I scratched my head and pouted,when my hair fell in my face.  
„Damn,I miss my hair products,“I sighed.Alec chuckled.  
„I like it more when it’s down.But if it bothers you that much, why don’t you just use magic and do it?“he asked curiously.My mind was stuck on the fact that he complimented me for a second,before it started processing his question.  
„I tried once,but magic and hair really shouldn’t mix.I learned that one night when I was running late to a party, but my hair just wouldn’t stay the way I wanted it.I ended up untiing knots for another hour or so.I looked ridiculous,like a moose,“I remembered and cringed in disgust.  
Alec’s laughter snapped me out of it.I only got to hear it few times,but it always warmed my heart.I don’t understand how I could grow to like him like this in such a short time.Those past years it was hard to even feel regular things, like happines, sadness or enthusiasm, the only things I could feel were boredom and loneliness.Now,all this sweet, adorable, innocent, broken boy has to do is laugh and I’m all giddy like a school girl.  
„I think you looked good even like a moose,“he mumbled with a genuine smile and delicious blush on his cheeks.My grin grew so wide I thought it will rip my face in half.He complimented me two times in only few minutes.Of course I know that I am attractive, hell I do my best to show it every day(except those two months) and people swoon over me all the time,but for some reason,when Alec does it,it feels different.Stronger.  
„Well thank you,darling, but if you saw it, you wouldn’t say so.Now,show me that masterpiece,“I comanded and stood up quickly,to hide that idiotic expression I had on my face.  
„It’s not done yet.And definitely not a masterpiece,“he said, but pulled back to show me the canvas.  
I just gaped.Again,may I add.Will there be a time when I don’t look like a fish everytime he lets me see his work?Probably not.  
„You know what?I think I’m getting you a job as a portrait painter.This is amazing!Like a mirror!“I squealed exicitedly.Maybe overdramaticaly,but that’s part of me.  
Alec was blushing furiously, but with a happy smile.  
„I’m glad you like it,“he mumbled.  
„I love it!“  
„You can have it,if you want.After you get out,I mean.So that-So that you don’t forget,“he said quietly,that beautiful smile slowly fading.That stung a little, but I did my best to smile brightly.  
„As if I could forget you,Alexander,“I said gently.  
He smiled again nervously, but his eyes stayed solemn.I felt sadness too at the thought of leaving him here,which was ridiculous.I shouldn’t get attached like this.I’ll only end up hurt,like any other time.  
Yet,when I looked at his angelic form,I couldn’t stop it.I couldn’t stop falling for him.  
„But if you really want to give me something,paint yourself.Your eyes would gloriously match the blinders in my bedroom,“I added to my previous statement with a playful smirk.  
He laughed a little at that.  
„I never get it right.Not without a mirror,“he complained.  
I thought for a minute and then got an idea.  
„I could do something with that.If you’d let me hold your hand,“I suggested slowly,carefully.It was worth a shot,he was willing to touch my stomach on his own after all.  
I saw him stiffen and took it as a warning sign.  
„You don’t have to though,it was just an idea.Sorry,“I quickly told him.  
He just looked at me for few minutes.I could see the conflict in his eyes and the ever pressent fear.And then he slowly reached his trembling hand towards mine.


	7. Electricity and Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All characters belong to Cassandra Clare,I only own Layla and Dr.Thompson.  
> Thanks for your kudos guys and don't forget to leave some on this chap too ;)

_He just looked at me for few minutes.I could see the conflict in his eyes and the ever pressent fear.And then he slowly reached his trembling hand towards mine._

I did the same, met his scared gaze and held it.

 „I won’t hurt you,Alec.I promise,“I assured him soothingly.

He nodded slightly.

 „What-What are you gonna do?“he choked out.

 „I’ll put a picture of you into your mind.When you close your eyes and focus, you’ll see it.After you’re done painting,it will dissapear,“I explained.

„Okay.“

I closed the distance between our hands and gently wrapped my fingers around his.

That electricity returned and I felt very warm all of a sudden.Alec’s hand relaxed in mine and he looked at me in surprise.

 „Do you feel that?“he breathed,cheeks red.

 „Yeah.Ready?“I asked.He motioned for me to go on.

 „Close your eyes,“I instructed. „And remember that I’m not going to do anything to harm you,“I added.

Another nod.

I made sure that no one is watching, glamoured our joined hands and started chanting.

Alec’s eyes snapped open when blue sparks started cracking from my fingers.Of course that he saw them.And he didn’t look scared, just fascinated.

 „I told you to close your eyes,“I reminded him.He obeyed imediately.

I continued murmuring.I knew it worked, when he looked at me with schocked expression.

 „Wow,“he just said.I smiled.

We stayed that way for few more moments, smiling at each other stupidly and holding hands.

Just then the nurses came to escort us to lunch.Neither of us wanted to let go of the others hand,so we went that way.

I had an idiotic smile on my face,but who cares?I got to hold this georgeous boy’s hand and he seemed as happy as me,which made me even happier.

Unfortunately, we had to part to take our food and another dose of medication.

I, of course, just snapped it away, but Alec took it. Why is he taking it?I wanted to ask so badly, but I wasn’t sure if that wouldn’t make him shield away again.

We talked about small things like favorite colours (for me it was blue, try to guess why) and other unimportant stuff.

After lunch,we went to the day room and Alec started  working on the painting.I sat next to him and just watched.We were silent, but after a while he put the brush down and hung his head.

 „Magnus?“

 „Yeah?What is it?“

 „How old are you?“he asked hesistantly.I raised my eyebrows.

 „Four hundred,“I said.His eyes widened imposibly and his mouth opened.

 „You’re four hundred years old?!“

 „Eight hundred actually, but I don’t look it,“I joked. „Does it repulse you?“

I was suddenly worried.What if he says that I’m too old for him to hang around with?Or what if he starts talking to me like to some old man?Shit,I should have said hundred, or less.

His head shot up and he stared at me in disbelief.

 „What?No!No,that’s not it.I don’t care how old you are.I was just wondering…doesn’t it feel…lonely?Living that long?And does it mean you’re immortal?“he blurted out.

I relaxed a little.Thank God,he’s not disgusted.

 „Yes,I am immortal.And yes,I feel lonely sometimes,but that’s in the describtion of this life style.Besides, I have friends who are there for me when I need them,“I shrugged and tried to look nonchalant, but inside I felt a depression starting.

 „I’m sorry for bringing it up,“Alec apologised.He probably caught on my mood change. „What I really wanted to know is if you have a girlfriend,“he continued with flaming face.

That surprised me,I didn’t expect him to be so straightforward.And do I really look like a straight person?I mean,okay, I’m bi, but most people asume that I’m just gay because of my appearance, though it’s true that I prefer boys.

 „No, I don’t have a girlfriend.I’m not into girls at the moment.But I don’t have a boyfriend either.Nobody really caught my interest.Until now that is,“I smiled brightly at him and his face turned the brightest shade of red I’ve ever seen.

 „I-I-Um-“he stuttered.

 „Alec!Your appointment!“Layla called from the door.

I watched as all the colour drained from his face and was replaced by unhealthy white.He put down the brush and slowly got up on wobbly legs.I was worried he’ll fall over for a second,but he steadied himself and made his way to the door stiffly.

 „I’ll see you later?“I asked,walking alongside with him.

 „Yeah.See you later,“he mumbled,voice shaky.

That fear and uneasiness scared me, but I couldn’t do anything about it,because he slipped out of the room.

I waited impatiently and after what felt like an hour went to one of the cupboards with art supplies.I picked up one scratch pad and started doodling a bit.That didn’t entertain me at all,so I tried to draw a picture of Chairman Meow.Oh,how I missed that little fur ball…

 

We were silent for the whole way.I had to force myself to do every step.

_Think about Magnus.He likes you.Think about him._

The nurse,Layla knocked on doctor Thompson’s office.Cold wave of fear washed over me and my heart sped up.

_Don’t let it control you._

 „You can come inside,Alexander,“the doctor called.

I gulped and did as he said,carefully stepping in the room.

 „How are you feeling today?“he asked.

 „F-Fine,“I told him.

 „Good.Shall we start?“he asked,not waiting for an answer and getting up.

_It’s going to be fine.Don’t be afraid._

I followed him into the next room,hidden behind wooden door.

There was only a probbing table and a chair.I layed on the table and took a deep breath.

 „Relax,Alexander.“

_„I’m not going to hurt you,Alec.“_

I fucused on Magnus’s previous words.I could stand his touch.I can do this.It’s going to be okay.

And then the doctor started with the hypnosis and all thoughts flew out of the window,after he pressed his hands to my temples.

_Pain.There’s so much pain.I‘m screaming in agony,but no sound escapes my dry throat.The blood in my veins feels like accid,burning through my body._

_Stop.Stop!STOP!_

_Another flash of pain shoots through my back,the whip going deeper this time,leaving a long gash._

_I can’t breathe.I can’t see.I can only hear the loud laughter,ringing through the cave._

_The next slash goes on my lower back and I find my voice again,screaming and begging for mercy.They don’t stop.They never stop._

 „Alexander!“someone yelled.

I opened my eyes,gasping for breath and panting.Cold sweat was rolling down my temples and my head felt as if hit by a hammer.

 „Alexander.Can you hear me?“ that person asked again.I blinked,still disoriented.

 „Where are you?“he asked.I looked around franaticaly,slowly recognizing the white room.The man next to the table I was laying on,doctor Thompson, was looking at me expectantly.

 „I’m in a hospital,“I mumbled in raspy voice.

 „What did you see?“

 „The cave.Like always,“I told him silently,knowing that he’ll start persuading me that it’s not true.

 „Alexander,there was no cave.You weren’t tortured.Those memories aren’t real,“he said.Of course not.Those scars just appeared on me without a cause.

I stopped listening to him.

_Magnus would believe you.If only you had enough courage to say it aloud._

 „Let’s try it again,shall we?“

I barely surpressed a groan and fear ran down my spine again.

I can’t do this again!

But I didn’t have a choice.

_Blood is pouring on the streets.Demons are scathered all over the place and I can hear Shadowhunters scream and die._

_„Alec!Help!“Isabelle screeches.I can’t do anything.It’s too late.A talon wrapps around her head and silences her._

_„No!!!“I scream,when the demon lifts her up and into the air.Blood gushes down and I see my sister’s broken dead body fall to the ground._

_I try running to her,but another demon is coming for me.It reaches towards me and-_

_And then there’s nothing.Just darkness.Darkness and blissfull numbness._


	8. Peeking Under Cover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing, just the plot, Layla and dr Thompson.  
> Enjoy the chapter!

Alec didn’t return.

I went to dinner alone and then to the bathroom,where I cleaned myself with my own stuff.

Worry was eating me alive.Where is Alec?

I waited till Layla came to take me to my room and then asked,hoping that she’ll be kind enough to answer.

 „Where’s Alec?“

She looked at me,startled, but then sighed.

 „He’s in his room,sleeping,“she told me.

 „Already?And why didn’t he come to dinner?“I raised my eyebrows.

 „Because he doesn’t feel like it.He’s sedated,“she revealed quietly.

I gaped at her incredulously.

 „What?Why?What happened to him?Is he okay?“I asked-yelled.

 „Calm down,Magnus.He’s okay.It’s normal, after his procedures,“she told me sadly.

 „What procedures?“I barked angrily, though I was pretty sure I knew what it meant.Probably solving that little touching problem.That fuckin‘ doctor is gonna get it for hurting my Alec.

Wait.What? _My_ Alec?When did that happen?

And then I realised that I want to call him mine.Damn it,this is bad.

 „Magnus?Are you okay?“ Layla tentatively asked.I was still standing like a statue, so I snapped out of my thoughts and nodded.

 „Can I see him?“I asked.She looked surprised at that request.

„I told you that he’s sleeping.You’ll see him tomorrow,“she assured me.I couldn’t help but feel disappointment at the pit of my stomach.

Her expression softened and she smiled sympatheticaly at me.

 „You’re a very nice person.I guess we’re lucky to have you here for Alec, even if it means you’re sick,“she told me.I returned her smile kindly.

 „I’m not sick,Layla.My world is just different then yours.Good nigh and please keep an eye on Alec,“I said at my room’s door.

 „I will.Sweet dreams,Magnus,“she bidded me and left.

This time I casted a sound reflecting spell on my room and rested in peacefull silence.The only thing nagging me was how cruel must doctor Thompson’s methods be, if they need to sedate Alec afterwards.

_Maybe he hurts him._

With that thought I sprang to my feet and was halfway at the door.

Maybe Alec needs me right now,what if he’s seriously hurt?What if that doctor is some kind of psycho, who’s experimenting with his patients?What if-

I took a deep breath and facepalmed myself.

„You saw too much Sci-fi crap.Get a grip.Alec is here for two years and he looks okay, except that stupid touching problem.Which doesn’t seem like too much of a problem anymore.So calm the fuck down.Holly Hell,I’m talking to myself.I’m going crazy.I bet that this is excactly what Ragnor wanted.If I’m too nuts after I get out of here,maybe I won’t even remember that he has to give me the Book of White.Or maybe I won’t get out of here at all.Shit.And maybe I’m already nuts.I have to stop speaking to myself.Now.Like right now,“I muttered and finally stopped to catch my breath.

I managed to get back to my original thought: What should I do about Alec?

I was torn between rushing to his room(which I don’t even know where is) and making sure he’s alright, or listening to Layla and wait for tomorrow.

The rational part of my brain won and I flopped back on my bed with a tired sigh.

I’ll ask him tomorrow.

But before I drifted into sleep, I established one thing. _I hate Gregory (_ or whatever his name is) _Thompson._

I was awoken by the same nurse as yesterday, but I didn’t threathen her this time.Instead I quickly dressed myself and almost ran out of the room with her.

I would never admit out loud how big my relief was, when I saw Alec standing there.Yes, he looked terrible, with dark shadows under his eyes and ducked head, but he was okay.

 „Morning.How are you feeling?“I asked immediately.I was too anxious to wait.

 „Tired,“was his simple answer.He added a yawn to it.

I frowned.Didn’t Layla say they sedated him?

 „Didn’t you sleep again?“I asked.

 „Drug induced sleep isn’t as sufficient as normal sleep,“he replied.

I wanted to ask more,for example what was Thompson doing to him, but something in his voice made me keep quiet.

He really looked awful, his skin had almost deathly shade of grey.

We went to breakfast,still silent.

There was some knid of tension between us, which left me wondering, did I do something wrong?I went through everything that happened yesterday and today, but couldn’t figure anything out.It seemed like he was avoiding even looking at me.

In the day room I suddenly wasn’t sure what to do.It was like the first day again.Alec went to his easel, where his painting still sat, unfinished, and started mixing colours and I didn’t know if he wants me by his side or not.I figured that I’ll know if I ask.

He looked at me alarmed and slightly guilty.

 „No!Of course you can be here!I’m so sorry Magnus, I didn’t want to make you feel like that.I was just lost in thought,I guess.Sorry,“he apologised.

I smiled reassuringly at him.Phew,sweet relief.

 „It’s okay, I just didn’t know if I didn’t do something to upset you,“I said.

 „No,you didn’t.I’m still a little shaken from yesterday,“he admited.

 „Doctor Thompson is an asshole,“I stated grumpily.

Alec looked at me with wide eyes.

 „You shouldn’t talk about him like that,“he warned.

 „Why?He deserves it for hurting you,“I shrugged with a frown.

 „Oh.So you know what happened?“he asked, suddenly sad again.

 „Yeah.I asked Layla.And I would gladly curse him for doing anything like touching you.He did,didn’t he?“I asked angrily.He nodded sheepishly.

 „He thinks that I’m getting better.I can stand it for few seconds now.Apparently, you’re the only one who can touch me, without me freaking out,“he said with a frown.

 „Does it bother you?“I wanted to know.He didn’t look very happy about it.

 „No, not at all.I’d just like to know why it is.I mean, I still am scared as hell, but when we held hands yesterday…It was nice.Warm.And that confuses me, because whenever anyone else touches me, all I can feel is fear, pain and nausea.Maybe it has something to do with the fact that you’re a warlock,“he mussed.Oh God.I want this boy.So, so bad.It amazed me how he obviously trusts me, if he feels comfortable enough to admit that.

I got a feeling that if I push a bit now, he may even tell me why he’s having that problem in the first place.

 „Can I ask you something?“I started and prayed that it won’t be too much.I simply couldn’t handle that curiousity anymore.Living for eight hundred years apparently doesn’t do anything to person’s patience.

 „Shoot.“

 „Why do you feel that way when people touch you?I mean, what happened, that you can’t bear it?“I asked.

He stayed silent,unmoving and maybe even holding his breath.

 „I’m sorry,I shouldn’t have asked that.You don’t have to answer,“I assured him,when it became evident that he won’t tell me.I won’t pretend that it didn’t disappoint me, but at the same time it wasn‘t really that surprising.I’m still almost a stranger to him, after all.Holly shit, maybe I even destroyed that little friendship we had with my stupid prying.Damn it,why am I such an idiot?

 „I saw the Shadowhunter slaughter in Alicante and I lost my family there,“he whispered in hoarse voice, so quietly that if it wasn’t for my briliant hearing, I would miss it.After I understood what he said, my eyes widened and mind clouded in sorrow for the boy.

I remember that event well,I was even there with other warlocks.We were called to try and repair the wards around the city,but we didn’t manage to do it in time and demons, lead by Valentine and Sebastian Morgernstern, invaded and destroyed it.Those two were killed,but that didn’t help anybody,because they slaughtered most of the Shadowhunter kind.But that was years ago,Alec couldn’t have been more then ten.How did he get away?Someone had to help him,otherwise there’s no way he would manage to get to New York.But that’s not important now,what’s important is how terrible it must have been for a little kid, to watch his family and friends being ripped apart by demons.

 „Sorry, but I can’t tell you anything else.I don’t really feel up for another break down,“he stated flatly,staring at his hands.He had almost deathly grip on the brush and his knuckled were turning white.

So there’s more to the story?

 „Alec.Alexander, look at me,“I pleaded.That weird emotionless tone of his scared me.

He complied after few tries and I saw that his eyes got a dull look,as if he wasn’t really there.

 „Alec,it’s okay.Thank you for telling me.I promise not to pry anymore,alright?I’ll make sure that no demon ever gets near you again.I’m so,so sorry that you had to go through something like that.But you’re safe here,you know that right?“I talked to him in soothing voice and with relief saw,that he’s gaining focus again.

He hung his head.

 „I’m sorry.It’s just that some memories come back to me when people touch me.I remember Them and what They did and I can’t bear it,“he admited saddly.

 „I understand.Now,let’s drop it, shall we?You still have a painting to finish,“I said and watched as his face brightened a little.

Then we chatted calmly about safe things until lunch.Alec managed to finish the painting before dinner and gave it to me.

 „Thank you.It’s beautiful.Just like you,“I beamed and it was true.He captured himself perfectly,though he made the scar on his eye look worse.

He blushed and then brushed his fingers over mine softly, a feather-like touch.I stiffened in surprise,but he was already walking away with his group to shower.

At that moment all my doubts vanished.I really am falling in love with that broken boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, did you like it?Hate it?SHow me some love and leave kudos please!


	9. Two minds,One mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cassandra Clare owns them, mine are only Layla and dr Thompson.

Two weeks passed.

Every weekend we got a chance to go out on a secured back yard, arranged to look like Japaneese garden, to catch some fresh air.

What I didn’t like were the group sessions, which we had to attend every third day.We had to sit in a circle of chairs and share our thoughts with the rest of the patiens there.I never paid much attention, me and Alec kept exchanging smiles accros the circle and I wouldn’t be myself if I left out occasional wink.His reaction was always priceless.He would blush furiously, look around if anyone saw and then shyly glance back at me.The staff already noticed we have a chemistry going on and apparently didn’t care, as long as we kept our hands to our selfs and didn’t damage other patients mentality further.

I send messeages to Ragnor every night, to find out about the situation at home.He assured me that Chairman is doing fine and that he’s surprised I handle this whole insanity thing so well.I shared my knowledge about Alec with him and he promised to come visit soon and meet him, when he finds some time in between appointments.I mocked him about his braging how my costumers are always so easy and quick to take care of, that he can’t even manage to visit a friend in a nuthouse.

Alexander and I became inseparable.My feelings for him grew with every passing day and with great force.His rare laughs weren’t so rare anymore and I took it as my responsibility to make him blush and smile as much as possible.

However,our friendship wasn’t just rainbows and unicorns.There was that necessary evil called doctor Thompson(really,who picked his name?!) and our regular appointments.

I didn’t give living shit about his attempts to make me understand that magic doesn’t exist and that I don’t need it.Most of our time together he did the talking and I inspected my nails, which I kept perfectly rainbow painted.

Layla confronted me about the ever sticking nail polish once, but when I told her I simply snapped it into my room the night before and painted it again, she just laughed.

Mundanes are strange.You tell them the truth, but when it’s too weird, they brush it off as a lie.

Those appointments were much harder for Alec though.After some time he told me that the doctor is exicited about him and me touching and is trying much harder to solve the mystery, why am I the only one who can do it without Alec breaking down.

He didn’t want to elaborate on the doctor’s methods, but results were enough to tell me they must be terrible.

Thompson called Alec every other day now, instead of his previous two-times-a-week schedule, and the poor boy always ended up heavily sedated in his room.

I wanted to help him so badly, to stop Thompson’s futile torture, but if I hurt the doc somehow, they would most certainly transport me to a different, more guarded area, maybe even another hospital and then my chances on seeing Alec again would be minimal.Plus, my I would lose the bet.Oh, right, the bet.Is it weird that I didn’t remember it since I’m here?Everything suddenly revolved around the blue-eyed beauty.

I’m not sure why now or here, but my whole being screamed „This is the one!!!“ and even though It scares me to no end, I can’t find it in myself to regret falling for him.

In those short weeks we became completely tuned on one another.When one became sad or depressed, the other always knew what to say or do to help.

Alec’s aversion to touching was subsiding slowly and sometimes he would take my hand or casually touch my shoulder.

It surprised me every single time, but then my chest swelled so much from pride and happiness that I feared it will explode.

I often found myself overwhelmed by incredibly strong desire to kiss him, especially when he blushed or tilted his head in confusion with that adorable curious spark in his eyes(he did that a lot when I explained the plot of Star Wars to him).

We spend a lot of time drawing and talking about random things.He was really interested about Chairman, so I showed him the drawing I did first week.I doubt he even understood what’s head and what body, but he still complimented me.

Movies were another subject we discused endlessly, maybe because when I wasn’t working, I dedicated my time either shopping or watching TV.

As I discovered, he had no feel for fashion, but I promised myself to chnge that in the future(yes, I already decided that Alec will be part of it).

Time flew by quickly.As more of it passed, I realised, that I really won’t be able to leave.Not without him at least.

Looking back, it’s ridiculous,really.I’m the high warlock of Brooklyn,notoriously known for throwing the hottest partyies in New York and never leaving them alone.I’ve been around the block so many times the streets are named after me!Christ, I even participated in orgies few times and now I’m completely smitten by this boy, who I can’t kiss or even hug!

If anyone told me I will be like this few monts ago, hell, three weeks ago, I would laugh into that person’s face and tell him/her to stop drinking.

Life is unpredictable,but that’s what makes it exiciting.

Nonetheless, I’m glad to find my soulmate after so long.It’s nice to finally feel like I belong somewhere(not into a mental hospital,I mean by Alec’s side).

Every room seemed to brighten up when he looked around it with his big blue orbs.I didn’t even register the scar on his eye most of the time.

I never understood why anyone would stare at it instead of his angelic face.He probably got it in Alicante that night when it was destroyed.

I often contemplated asking how he got away from there, but I didn’t, remembering his pain when we talked about it before.

It was evident, thatat least for the time being that little information I got so far will have to suffice.

I didn’t want to push him any further, but I saw how he holds it all inside and was worried it’ll slowly burn him from the inside.

But still, we were together and I was gratefull for that.

Layla became closer to both of us, not treating us like patients, but more like friends.She even sometimes just stopped to chat for a bit.

It was like pure happiness, a feeling I wasn’t used to.

I should have known,that nothing that good will last.

 

It all started with one of Alec’s appointments.

He really hated them and always went pale from fear, when Layla came for him.I tried really hard to comfort him, but I knew that in the end he’ll have to be the one to bear all the pain.

I stayed in the day room like any other time and played chess against myself.We started playing it with Alec, but I always beat him,so he gave up and I play it only if he leaves now.

I was bored out of my mind.

When Alexander wasn’t there, nothing seemed interesting enough and all I wanted was to go to sleep, so that time would run by quickly and I could be with my sweet little angel again.

I had to fight hard to keep from thinking about what’s Thompson doing to him at that very moment.

Finally, it was time for dinner, shower and sleep.

In the morning I all but ran out of the door and felt my face rip in half from smiling, when Alec stood there.

My good mood however didn’t last long, since Alec only gave me a weak smile that looked more like a grimmace.His skin had very unhealthy colour and with it’s natural pale complexion looked almost transparent.The purple bags under his eyes, that I got used to by now, were much deeper and almost black.

The dazed look and narrowed pupils made me think that maybe he’s still got some drugs in his systém.

 „Darling,are you feeling okay?“I tentatively asked with a frown.

 „Yeah,I’m fine.Just tired,“he assured me with a smile, that looked more genuine then the previous one.It was like a poem, he would always say that he’s just tired, but I knew better.The way he stood, with arms crossed,slumped shoulders and low hung head, it told me that he probably had another break down and a bad one.

 „I don’t like this.I’m going to speak to Thompson about the way he’s treating you,“I decided.

 „He can’t tell you anything.It’s a medical secret,“Alec stated mather-of-factly.

We did our bussines in the bathroom and then continued the conversation on our way to breakfast.

 „I have my ways how to get information,“I grinned wickedly.

 „Do I want to know?“he raised his eyebrows.We seated ourselves at our usual table and I frowned at Alec’s pills.He normally took three little round tablets of different colours, but today he had one more, bigger and pink.

 „No,probably not.Did he give you new drugs?“I asked.

 „Yeah.He said something about preparation for another treatment.He thinks that the key is catching me of guard, so that I don’t have enough time to react.I think he believes we’re getting somewhere,because last time I endured exactly fifteen minutes of the appointment before passing out.So this is probably supposed to slow me down a bit,“he explained and took it.I seriously didn’t like the way he spooke.As if he’d just given up already and doesn’t give a damn about what the doc is doing with him.

 „Why are you taking it then?I could snap it away for you, so that you could kick his ass if he tried anything,“I suggested.

 „Because if I didn’t také it, he’d know.I’m not imune to medication and he knows it well.Besides, maybe it’ll help,“he shrugged, „Oh, and if I were you, I’d be careful.He asks a lot about you.I think it irritates him that you don’t show any reaction to his treatment.He could try to test you if you take those pills or not,“he added and motioned towards my dose, which I was just getting ready to get rid of.

 „Well,thank you for your concern,sweetness, but I don’t plan on taking this shit.I never took any pills that weren’t extasy, which was a long time ago, and I’m not starting now.He can suck it.I only need to stay here for another month and then adieu Thompson,“I said carelessly and immediately regreted it, when he stayed silent and played with that mush that was supposed to be cornflakes with milk, wearing a solemn expression.

I made him upset again.Damn!I shouldn’t have talked about leaving.Well, he’s going with me anyway.

 

The next day, my happy bubble popped.

It started like any other day, by going to the bathroom.

I couldn’t help but glance at Alec every now and then, because he looked downright terrible, like walking dead.He didn’t even speak to me much, just a simple ‘hi‘.

At breakfast he took that medication again and I had to restrain myself from reaching accros the table and snatch that nasty pill of his hand.He knows whats best for him,I kept repeating to myself.

So I just watched with unhappy frown how he swallowed it and then went with him to the day room.

I liked, that the nurses didn’t guide us everywhere anymore, just to our appointments,to the bathroom in the morning and at night, but during the day we were free to go where we wanted.There were cameras after all, and nurses behind every corner.

Yet, when that thing happened, I wished they were still escorting us.

We went slowly, in peacefull quiet, though I had the feeling that Alec wouldn’t be able to talk much anyway.He dragged himself one step behind me,hiding his face.I think he didn’t want me to see him looking so weak.

All of a sudden Alec sank to the floor, head first and didn’t move.

 „Alec!“I screamed and kneed beside his limp form.

His eyes were hidden behind purple lids and lips were partly open.I gently slipped one hand under his head and lifted it,to lay it on my lap.

I heard a faint yell from the end of the corridor.The person looking at the cameras must have seen what happened.

I had an urge to just make a portal and také him through it, away from the doctor, routine, crapy beds and rules.But I couldn’t.Not with witnesses.I could alter their memories, but I wouldn’t be able to get to the camera records in time before the Clave finds out.

That left me with only one choice(more like the only one I could think of at the moment).

I softly touched his cheek and send a light wave of energy to him and mumbled the incantation.I felt him stiffen under my touch, but then relax.

The spell I did was simple.It connected our minds, so that I know when he’s in pain or danger.The bond will allow me to help him bear the pain or fear.

My body reacted to the loss of energy immediately.I felt my limbs get heavy and mind foggy.Every part of me throbbed in dull pain, my head the worst.I shook it to snap back to reality.

_Those are Alec’s feelings, get a grip._

I concentrated soothing energy into the bond and started healing him.

The nurses got to us and I bended over to plant a soft kiss to Alec’s forehead.

 „It’ll be alright, darling.I’ll make the pain go away,“I whispered my promise and carefuly picked him up.I cradled him to my chest and firmly held him to me,forcing my body warmth to move into his freezing limbs.He was surprisingly light.

 „I’ll cary him,“I firmly told the nurses.They weren’t happy about it, but my determined expression kept them from arguing.So I carried my angel to the doctor’s ordination and placed him on an examination table.Doctor Thompson came soon after and after making me tell him what happened send me away.

I looked over my shoulder at Alec,before I relucantly left the room.I was upset about leaving him alone with the doc there, but it didn’t matter now.

My mind was there with him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it!


	10. Remembering Hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing, only- Do I really have to repeat this all the time?It's obvious that I don't own them, otherwise Malec would never break up(ups, spoiler alert!).

For the next three days I went in and out of apathy.I kept focus when I had to go to the bathroom and clean myself, just to keep my appearance decent, but the rest of the days were spent with Alec in his head.

I didn’t really understand what was happening with him.His body was mostly numb from the drugs, but he felt occasional jolts of pain.Sometimes it reminded me of whipping, which was ridiculous, since we were in a hospital and as much as I hate Thompson, I knew he wouldn’t turture his patients, that I was sure about, thanks to mind reading(yes, I couldn’t help it,sue me), which also told me, how’s Alec’s medical condition.

According to the doctor, the treatment went well, the medication he made Alec take served it’s purpose and made him unable to react in time to defend against being touched.He managed to keep him conscious, though what he didn’t know how to handle was the way Alec felt.

The fear was caused by big amounts of physical abuse and his body connected any touch with pain.The memories of it were too strong for him and took over his nerve system **(A/N** I have no idea if that’s possible, so just roll with it pleaseJ **)** so that he physicaly felt it again.Whenever he tried something else, I was there to soothe the pain.

I would probably be able to make him forget it all, at least for the time being, but I know that he’d take it as intrusion of privacy.

Sometimes I wonder if he registered my pressence in his head.I always stayed focused strictly on feelings of pain and discomfort, nothing else.Most people would probably take advantage of his vulnerability to find any information they wanted, but I didn’t.What would that solve?Not only would it destroy his trust in me, but it’d probably even make him worse, because I’d became one of the people who hurt him.I’ll wait, until he tells me on his own accord.

 

When I woke up, I was in a weird room.It looked familiar.Then it clicked and my heart seized with fear.Doctor’s ordination.Why am I here?It isn’t time for my appointment yet!I tried to sit down, but I couldn’t move properly.I wasn’t tied to the bed or anything, my body just wouldn’t listen to me.

Oh right,that pink pill.Why did I take it again?

_Because you’re stupid,that’s why.You should have listen to Magnus._

Magnus…

_I’ll make the pain go away…_

A stange fondness filled my chest and I had to smile, despite my scary situation.How is it possible, that only a thought of him makes me so happy?

 „Alexander.You’re awake.That’s good,“came a voice from my left.I turned my head with great difficulty and looked at doctor Thompson.

 „What…are…you…going…to…do?“I breathed out.

 „Just some regular excercises.You don’t have to be afraid, Alexander,“he assured me.It did nothing to my growing nerves.Of course that I knew he’ll be trying new things, I just couldn’t help feeling that it’s useless.Still, I retired into the back of my mind, into my safe place, where I didn’t have to feel what he’ll do to me.

I recalled Magnus from the day when he came to the hospital and lingered there, enjoying his eyes on me.

_Alexander_

Why is it, that when Magnus says my name, it gives me the impression that I’m something precious, something that needs protection?

_Alexander…_

It always rolls of his tongue like a poem, as if he’s savouring the sound of it.

And the way he looks at me…Like I‘m the most important thing on the world.Which is ridiculous, because he’s going to leave soon and then I’ll have nothing, but a memory.

_Another memory, that will cause you only more pain._

The wissest decision would be avoiding the warlock,to prevent him from penetrating my heart even more.Yet, just the thought hurt more then any touch could.

_Avoidance?That’s bullshit.He already got to your heart and stole it from you.If he leaves, you’ll not be only insane, but heartless too.What else can you give up before it’s too much?_

Then I was violently ripped from the safety of Magnus and catapulted back into the terrible part of my mind.

The torture began.

_„Alec!Come dance with me!“Isabelle calls._

_„Why don’t you ask Jace?I can’t dance,Izz,“I tell her and try to hide behind my demonology book._

_„Oh, come on, I know you can.Jace told me you can.Please!“she beggs while running around my chair with her long hair flying behind her.I sigh and place the book neatly on the heap of others covering my table._

_„Fine,“I surrender.How could I say no to her puppy look?_

_She whoops, grabbs my hand and draggs me to the main room, where Jace already sits behind the piano.I shoot him an accusating glare and he just shrugs with a grin._

_„You’re so going to get it for sending her on me,“I promise._

_„Looking forward to it.Get ready,“he orders in deep voice and I have to surpres a laugh at that._

_Then his fingers start running over the keys and the room fills with gentle tones of some mundane song.I never knew where he learned it, when we never left Idris.Maybe he found the notes in our parents things._

_I don‘t have time to think about it anymore, because Isabelle has my hand in deathly grip and tugs for me to take the lead._

_So we dance._

_I wouldn’t admit it, but I love dancing with my little sister._

_Just before the memory ends, I catch a glimpse of a tall figure,standing by the door.I can‘t make out anything more then green and gold eyes.Like cat’s._

„Good.Keep that up, Alexander.You’re doing great,“doctor Thompson told me and let go of my head.

I was panting slightly, but nothing more.No pain?That’s new.

 „See?That wasn’t so bad, wasn’t it?“he said,enthusiasm clear in his voice.

I just shook my head weakly.

I was exhausted, my body screamed for rest, but the doctor wanted to continue.

So we did.

 

_„You need to let go!We have to go!“that man yells.I look back at him, but I can‘t see anything else then green skin, through my teary eyes._

_„I can’t leave her here!“I cry._

_„She’s dead, kid.There’s nothing you can do.Do you want to die too?“he asks, patience sliping from his voice._

_„I’d rather die then go anywhere with you!“_

_„God,I’m too old for this,“he growls and then grabs be from behind.He lifts me by my waist without any trouble and runs.I scream for him to let me down, but he doesn‘t and when I try to hit him, he snapps his fingers and my body goes limp._

_I can‘t do anything else then look at my sister’s torn body.The red dress she‘s wearing got soaked in blood so it looks black like her long hair.The way her eyes stare into space and her face is still scrunched in shock and pain nobody could pretend she’s just asleep.Somehow that thought scares me.My sister is dead and she probably won’t even get a proper goodbye.I won’t be there for her.I didn’t save her._

_„Isabelle…“_

 „Isabelle!!!“someone screamed.With a start I realise it was me and I shut my mouth.With the sound gone the room went silent.

I was panting loudly.My whole body was covered in cold sweat, but I couldn’t even wipe my brow, because of the restraints on my wrists.They must have tied me to the bed because of the last break down.I should have known that one small victory will mean another ten defeats.

_Wrong.You knew.There was just nothing you cold do to stop him._

Why does it keep happening?Wasn’t living through it once enough?

I just stared at the ceiling and tried to get the shaking under control.

After I managed that, I took a deep breath and released it.In and out.In and out.In and out.Don’t think about it.In and out.

Finally I could think clearly again.I returned to my safe place and to thoughts about Magnus again.Maybe it’s pathetic, but thinking about him always helps.It warms my insides and fills my stomach with this weir fluttering feeling.He makes me feel whole, as cliché as it sounds.But for how long?

_Don’t think about that.You have him now.Nothing else matters._

But do I have him?All I know is that he likes me.

_And isn’t that enough?_

No.I want him to love me.Like I l-wait.Do I?Really?When did that happen?Is it really that easy?

_He’s different.There’s nothing wrong with falling for him._

Yes,but it’s also stupid and naive.He’s going to leave, whether I want it or not.I’ll be alone again.

_Then enjoy him as long as you can.Nothing good lasts.Make sure to make the best of it._

I wish there was a way to stay with him.

_Why would he want someone so broken like you?_

True.He’s so different from me and others.So confident.

But one can’t choose who to love.

And I love him.

I just wish there was a chance for him to love me too.

 

_„He’s a Lightwood!Look at that!“the vampire exclaims and points at my chest.There’s a silver chain with the Lightwood family ring hanging inside my torn shirt._

_„We should kill him and get rid of the body before the Clave finds out!“one from the crowd says._

_„Oh please!The Clave?They’ll be glad if half of them survives.Meanwhile, we should keep him.After the Shadowhunters get it together, they’ll start searching for survivors.And this one is the last Lightwood, one of the oldest and strongest Shadowhunter families.Do you have any idea how much they’ll pay for him?“that same vampire holding my hands behind my back says._

_I feel nauseous, but there’s nothing I can do.I’m too weak to fight any of them._

_„I don’t give a shit about money.Why don’t we just kill him?The more of them we get rid of the better.“_

_„Let’s drink him dry!“_

_„NO!I didn’t betray Fell just to kill him.He thinks that the boy’s safe.If we kill him and he comes to check on him,we’re dead.And if we want to get out of this hellhole, we need money!So shut your mouth and help me chain him.“_

_I stop listening to them after that, I feel to sick._

_They chain me to an uncomfortable chair and leave me alone.The room is dark and I’m cold, but they don’t care._

_I’m all alone._

_But for a second I have a feeling there’s someone watching me._

Few days pass.I don’t really know how many, it could have been two or a week.

In that time, I was slipping in and out of memories.Some scarier then others, but most of the time, I didn’t feel any pain, which confused me.Did the doctor finally find a drug that takes the pain from touching away?

No, probably not.

When he layed his hands on me, I always felt the initial shock and a pang of pain, but then nothing.Just weird calmness.

Sometimes I had the feeling that I hear a familiar voice whispering „It’s okay“ to me.It must be because of Magnus.Maybe he did something.

After such a long time, I started believing, that maybe I’m getting better.Maybe I’ll be able to touch people again.

Until another memory came up.

 

_„Stop!“I scream._

_He doesn’t listen to me and swings the whip again.I feel my body spasm, when it slices my bare back again and again and again._

_„How do you like it,hmm?Want more?“he asks, after it’s evident that I can’t take it any more._

_„No…please…stop…“I choke out, tears of pain streaming down my cheeks._

_To my surprise he actually stops and I feel hope, that maybe he’s already bored.Maybe he’ll finally kill me._

_He unchains me and I colapse to the ground.My damaged legs can’t hold me up.He grabs a handfull of my hair and uses it to drag me to some table._

_„Show me those pretty eyes of yours,“he sings and I close them shut in response.I have no idea what he’s gonna do, but I’m not going to make it any easier._

_„Tsk.You think that’s gonna help you?As you wish, I’ll carve them out with lids.That’s gonna look even better, when I think about it,“he laughed._

_My body goes cold and I start struggling.That made him laugh even harder and I hear more of it.I knew from experience that the shadows in this cave aren’t harmless and that they’re watching me._

_„If you don’t stop, I’ll chop of your fingers, you little piece of shit!“he spits, when I hit a weak spot._

_I don’t have a chance to respond, because then someone else takes hold of my wrists and pins them near my head.He’s stronger then me and I can’t move._

_„I’ll hold him for you, father,“he says and I can see a vicious smile on the person’s lips.My empty stomach turned.It‘s a boy around my age,maybe ten or eleven.His eyes are dark and cruel, without any feeling other then pleasure from my pain.His almost white hair falls over them.They are identical to the man who’s curently getting a weirdly shaped spoon and a curved knife._

_„No!Let me go!“I scream, but they only laugh again._

_„Hold still, or it’ll hurt much more, trust me.Your little golden brother struggled and it certainly wasn’t a pleasurable experience.You wouldn’t want to end up with a knife in your brain like him, would you?“the boy says and I freeze.No.Jace?They have him?_

_„Where is he?Where’s Jace?!“I demand._

_„Dead.Like I said, he fought my father.Don’t worry, you’ll join him soon enough.You just have to tell us where the Mortal Cup is,“the boy assures me._

_„That’s right.Tell us that secret and I don’t even have to do this,“the man says and looks between my eyes, as if choosing which one to start with._

_„But I don’t know where it is!They never tell us this stuff.I really don’t know!“I yell,when he’s closing in with that knife to my left eye._

_„Too bad then,“he shrugs and then I feel the knife touch just under my eyebrow._

_This is it._

_Not sure why,who,or how, but suddenly there are voices all around us._

_The man with the knife is yanked back from me,but since they forgot to  restrain his arms,he still manages to cut me accros the eye.I yelp in pain and try to free myself.Then there are other people everywhere. I’m lifted from the table and I try to fight, scared that it’s another person who wants to hurt me.I see only his arms covered in black runes and it clicks.Shadowhunters?Shadowhunters came to save me?_

_I don’t have any time to think, because when they touch my torn back, I lose conciousness._

When I woke up, I wasn‘t alone.Doctor Thompson sat beside me and just looked at me with a sad expression.

I didn’t really care, for I had enough trouble with breathing at that moment.I was still sure that I hear that man’s cold voice and the boy’s assurance that I’ll join my brother soon.

But nothing hurt.Again.

I was sure that Magnus must have done some kind of spell, because normally I would be rolling around, screaming in pain.

This time however I was just panting and fighting nausea.

 „I think this is enough for now.After you recover, you may return to your daily routine, Alexander,“the doctor told me.I just nodded and watched him leave.

After the door closed after him, I closed my eyes and touched the scar on the left one.It was slightly raised and I still remembered the feeling when the man’s knife kissed my tender skin.

Thank God he’s dead.

And God damn him, for not killing me when he had the chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was really hard to write, mostly because I hate hurting Alec, but it will all get better soon, I promise.And in the next chapter, or the one after, you’ll get to see Ragnor again!Are you exicited?  
> Also, if there's something you did or didn't like, leave a comment so that I can improve.  
> See you in a sec at the next chap!


	11. Trouble in Paradise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again!Yes, I'm posting like crazy, I have those last chapters written in advance.Aren't you glad?  
> Anyway, I only own the plot, Layla and dr Thompson.

Finally, after seven,SEVEN, long days of spacing out and looking out for Alec, Thompson gave up and let him go.I was almost jumping with joy to see him and I went straight for his hand, when he sat next to me in the day room.

 „How are you feeling, darling?“I asked carefully.I wasn’t sure if I should tell him about the bond or not.

 „Pretty good actually.What did you do?“he asked.Oh.So he already knows I did something.I searched his eyes for anger or some sort of accusation, but I found none.Instead they screamed gratitude, gentle affection and something I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

 „Um…It was a little spell.Perfectly innocent, I swear!“I assured him hastily.Guilt was clouding my mind.What if he gets angry?What if he won’t want me around anymore?

 „What kind of spell?Did you do it when I collapsed on the hallway?Because I could swear the I heard you saying something about pain and I felt warmth,“he said with furrowed eyebrows, as if it was hard to remember.

Oh.So he heard me.Well…I guess there’s no point in lying then, is there?

 „Yes, it was when you passed out.I kinda…created a bond between our minds, so that I could help when you were in pain.I’m really sorry for invading your privacy like that, but I was scared of what the doc will do to you.I swear that I didn’t search your mind or play with your memories or anything else.Please belive me,“I pleaded.He was looking straight into my eyes.I did the same and tried to show him that I’m telling the truth.Then he looked away.

 „It’s okay, Mags.I belive you.I know that you wouldn’t nose like that.I think I knew.I could feel someone, when it got hard,“he said, blushing.

A wave of relief washed over me and I exhaled heavily.

 „Thank God,“I just breathed.It scared me, how dependant I became on him.If he didn’t take it this well and started avoiding me, I have no idea what I’d do.

 „Seriously Mags, what did you expect me to say?You helped me.I’m thankful.Really,“he smiled and squeezed my fingers.I became momentarily distracted by him calling me by pet name for the second time in few minutes, before I replied.

 „I’ll remove the spell,“I told him.

For some reason he blushed dark crimson and ducked his head.

 „What is it, darling?“I encouraged.He didn’t look up.

 „Um…Could you…not?“he mumbled slowly.I felt my eyes widen at that.

 „You want to stay bonded to me like that?“I choked out, suddenly breathless.

He nodded.

 „But maybe you could change it a little, so that you can’t see into my head directly.And it should work both ways.Just so that I know-“he took a deep breath „Just so that I know if you’re okay…after you leave.“

I just stared at him.

 „Okay,“I said „But that kind of spell will require…a further contact then just a little touch,“I warned him, unsure.What if he freaks out?

But when I saw that look of determination in his mesmerizing eyes, I knew that it’ll be fine.

 „What kind of contact?“he asked slowly, but there was no hesistation, just a slight sign of embarrassment.It was endearing, that there was no fear.

I slowly leaned closer to him.

He stiffened and looked a little confused but I think he understood what I was about to do and blushed deliciously, but didn’t pull away.

I lifted my free hand and gently cupped his cheek.He shivered and stared at me, pupils so dilated that they almost completely swallowed the blue and I saw his gaze falling on my mouth.

It amazed me, how completely he trusted me, I still couldn’t see any fear.

Our faces were only inches apart now and I gave him a last questioning look.He nodded with a shy smile and that was the only permission I needed to close the distance between us.

When our lips met, there were no fireworks, no flashing lights.Just him and me, the room around us forgotten.

Our mouths stayed closed at first, just gently brushing against each other, but then he surprised me and nipped at my lower lip.I smiled in delight and deepened the kiss slightly, adding fire to it.

Alec gripped my hand so strong that I thought he’s asking me to stop, so I pulled back a little, to look at him.

He didn’t look scared.More like frustrated and confused.

 „Are you okay?“I asked breathlessly.

 „Yeah.Are you?“he retorted.I chuckled and kissed him again, this time not pulling back, when he squeezed my hand.Then I understood what he was doing, when he interviened our fingers.

Gradually, a tingling sensation spread from my lips to the rest of my body.This wasn’t my first kiss by any means, but even though Alec was inexperienced, it was by far my best.Maybe because I’m in love with him?I dunno, but it’d make sense.

I actually forgot about the reason we’re doing this, until about ten minutes, or maybe an hour later.I started the spell.It was much more difficult, then the simple bonding one I did before, because this needed some boundaries, so that we don’t read each other’s minds.I also added that bit, which will let us know when we’re in danger.

I continued kissing him even after it was finished, but soon the need to breathe became too strong and we relucantly pulled back, but still stayed only at hair’s length away, foreheads touching and sharing air.

 „Wow,“Alec whispered in amazement.I looked him over and grinned.His cheeks were flushed, lips swollen and glistening.It made me want to laugh with joy, that I was the reason for that.

 „That doesn’t even begin to cover it.You okay?“I beamed.

 „Yeah.Perfectly.Did you do the spell?“

I only nodded.And then we were suddenly kissing again.

 

Days to come were spend in delicious daze.It was like walking on cloud nine and I worked really hard not to let anything taint our time together.

It was already past the first month and halfway through the second.Only two weeks and we’re out of here.I already started considering asking him to come with me, but it never seemed to be the right time.On top of that, I didn’t even know if he’ll want to.Well, I had a feeling he wouldn’t mind, since he never left my side.I didn’t mind in the slightest.

Nurses were whispering about our constant hand holding and ocassional kissing(we couldn’t get enough of each other), but I couldn’t care less about some homophobic, sexualy frustrated women and Alec didn’t seem bothered by it either.

He was getting better.

I think that the way we were together was helping him accept touches from others.Thompson no longer had to drug him so much and Alec was mostly able to come to dinner after his sessions.I was very proud of him and even more so when I knew that a tiny bit of credit goes to me.

 

By the end of the week I got a fire message from Ragnor, saying he’ll pay me a visit.It was surprising, that he’s found time for it after so long.I kinda expected him to come in the first week, to watch me squirm.Agains my will I started to worry.Well, not like I wasn’t worried before, but after a full week with no contact, it was really weird that his first thing to say was „I’ll stop by soon.“

I had a feeling that something bad happened to him.

Living in a mental hospital was miles different from normal life.There’s no work, no angry one-night-stands, who took it too seriously, no bills to pay(not that I cared about those too much).Of course there was that little issue with limited(read none) freedom, privacy and sex.Yes, sex.I was used to having some at least once a week, longer meant almost having withdrawals.Now all that mattered to me was Alexander’s well being.

I loved the way he would kiss me withou any obvious reason, as if savouring our every touch.I can’t say that I didn’t immensely enjoy it, but sometimes there was something resembling desperation.As if he was afraid that I’ll suddenly disappear.I understood his fear and wanted to finally relive him of it, but I didn’t want to freak him out, so I started preparing speech for it.

I wouldn’t admit it, but one of the reasons I still waited was probably my own fear of rejection.I wasn’t really sure about Alec’s feelings.No, that’s bullshit, I knew that he likes me, otherwise he wouldn’t want to kiss me on every occasion, but how much does he actually like me?Is it enough to make that step with me?It will be a big step for him, after all, he’s been living in this place for over two years, it’s probably the closest thing to home he has.Besides, we know each other for barely two months.Is it enough to love someone so much that you want to spend your life with them?Well,I know the answer, but I have no idea if he does too.I guess I’ll just have to ask to find out.But I may as well wait a little longer.Besides.There are more pressing matters right now.Ragnor, for example.

 

 „Magnus?Is something wrong?“Alec asked with concern.My head snapped up with alarm.

 „What?Oh, sorry, I just spaced out a bit.What were you saying?“I asked apologeticaly.

 „I was asking if you’re okay.You look pale,“he observed.

 „Don’t worry, sweet cheeks, I’m fine.Just couldn’t sleep much,“I assured him.Well, it was partialy truth, my head was full of worries about Ragnor and when I finally managed to shut it of, my brain conjured a nightmare about Alec telling me that he wouldn’t want to live with such a freak.I don’t know why, but suddenly I was very self conscious about being a warlock.I knew that Alec’s family was killed by demons and I’m half demon.What if he realises it and leaves me?What if he starts hating me?

 „Magnus.“Alec snapped his fingers in front of my face an I jumped in surprise.

 „You’re ignoring me again.What’s wrong?“he demanded.I opened my mouth to say it’s nothing, but then thought better of it and decided to share at least some of my worries with him.

 „Remember how I told you about that friend who made me come here?Ragnor?Well he wants to pay me a visit,“I told him.Alec wrinkled his brow in confusion.

 „That crazy one?What’s so bad about that?I thought you wanted to see him.Isn’t he taking care of Chairman Meow?“

 „Yeah.Don’t get me wrong, I want to see him, but there’s something off in his timing.I mean,why did it take him so long?And I didn’t hear from him at all last week, just to get a message last night that he wants to come.I get a feeling that there’s something wrong,“I admited with a frown.

 „Maybe he was just busy.You said it yourself, that your schedule is pretty tight, so it’s probably hard for him to keep up,“Alec reasoned.I loved the way he tried to make me feel better.

 „He always found a minute to send a fire message.Besides, he’s not one to let anybody push him around, if he really couldn’t keep up, he would simply postpone the deal.No, there’s definitely something bad going on,“I shook my head.

After my dark speech we stayed silent for a second.

 „Why don’t you go check on him then?“Alec suddenly blurted out, expression weirdly unreadable.

I stared at him and tried to hide the fact that I actally thought about it before.

 „That would be useless when he’s coming in few days.And besides, I don’t want to leave you,“I said.I kinda expected Alec to blush and maybe smile a little, but not that he’ll turn sad and bothered all of a sudden.

 „You’ll leave either way,“he said with such certainty, that it almost hurt.Okay, to hell with my fears, he’s much more insecure then I am as it seems(not that I’m insecure…)(…okay,maybe a little).

 „Alec, listen, I-“I started, but as always in moments when it matters, Layla interfered, claimimng it was time for Alec to go to doctor Thompson.

He didn’t even look back at me, as he would always do, just stood up and went, shoulders slouched and head hung down.

I wanted to scream in frustration.Such a great opportunity!And now I’ll have to wait until dinner.

 „Fuck!“I cursed and stared at the wall angrily.There was a painting of a summer sky hanging on it.A simple look and I knew that it’s Alec’s work.Somehow that made me even grumpier.Alec was such a gentle and innocent person.Why did he, of all people, have to end up here?I really need to tell him and show him how much does the outside world to offer.

Saddly,he didn’t give me a chance.

I’m not sure why, but suddenly he refused to talk to me.As if he was trying to ignore me.I did my best to make him tell me what’s wrong, but he wouldn’t budge.

His eyes became dull and distant and it was probably that reserved look, that worried me most.

I could tell that he was having nightmares again by the unhealthy shade of white on his skin and also the purple bags under his eyes, that seemed to be fading only few day ago.Thankfully it didn’t escalate into problems with his sessions again, but that was only one small good thing.

The most important one was, that I couldn’t comfort him anymore, because when I tried to touch him, he would pull away.

And right at that time, Ragnor decided to make his appearance.

 

 „Magnus, you have a visitor,“Layla announced.

I barely heard her.I was seated on an armchair abut two feet from where I would sit normally, trying not to fiddle with my clothes.Me and Alec spend the last few days doing separate things.He would be drawing or reading and I’d just sulk, doodle nonsense and sulk some more.Just yesterday he told me to leave him alone and I didn’t know what to do.

My heart hurt.My body hurt.If he used to be in pain from touching, I was in agony for being unable to touch him.My entire being yearned to be close to Alec, but I couldn‘t and it was killing me.Even more so, when I sometimes caught him giving me such a sad and longing stare, that all I wanted was to reach out and take his hand, hug him, kiss him, anything just to be able to feel him.

I got so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t reply to Layla, until she shook my shoulder.

 „Magnus, are you okay?“she asked.

 _No,I feel like I was broken up with for unknown reason._  

I smirked at her, but it fell unnatural.

 „Of course.I’ll be right there,“I assured her with a weak smile.She went to the door and I could see Ragnor standing there with her.I forgot that visitors are allowed into the day room.Oh well, it doesn’t really matter, does it?

I didn’t really want to go, though I was dying to find out what the deal with my friend is.I contemplated what to do.

 „Alec?“I started slowly, as if walking on a mine field.He looked at me with that empty stare I learned to hate.It gave me a feeling that he’s trying really hard to hide his feelings, which was disturbing, because usually his eyes were the most expressing part of him.

 „Would you like to meet Ragnor?“I asked tentatively.About two week ago he mentioned that he’d like to meet that psycho who came up with an idea for a bet like ours.

Even though I knew he’ll refuse, I still had to try.

Alec just shook his head and returned to his current painting.I tried really hard to keep disappointment from my face, but it was just so fucking hard!

I almost started making my way towards Ragnor, but ten stopped.I can’t.I can’t leave Alec this way.Something went terribly wrong and I need to know what.

So I turned around again and crouched in front of the blue-eyed boy.He looked up at me with a start.

 „Alec, did I do something?Anything to upset you?To offend you?“I asked,frowning.

His eyes widened in something resembling surprise and then he ducked his head to hide them.My hand moved to tilt his chin up, but I uncertainly stopped half-way.I wasn’t allowed to touch him.Not anymore.

This thought made my eyes sting and hot tears threatened to fall down.How the hell can I feel like this?I haven’t cried since…well I can’t even remember!

And why the hell won’t he tell me what’s wrong?Why can’t we just work it out?Or is it something that can’t be worked out?Something unchangable?

My insecurities got the better of me and again, I found myself with the same problem I faced before.

 „Is it because of what I am?“I quietly asked, now looking down too.

Maybe he just recently realised to what extent I am a monster, though I don’t remember doing anything else then that bonding spell.Oh, that kiss.Why does it seem so long ago?And why did things have to change like this?

Why do I have to be a warlock?

I could practicaly hear the tiny cracks of my heart breaking.

 „What?No!It’s not that Mags,I swear!I-I just-“ he stuttered hastily.I turned my face away, so that he couldn’t see that those traitorous tears trickled down my cheeks.

 „I’m going to see Ragnor now.And then we should talk,“I said flatly,stood up and walked to finally see my visitor while discreetly wiping my eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked that kissing scene.Since this is my first fanfic, I’ve never really written a kissing scene and I’ve never even kissed anyone, so I hope I didn’t screw up.


	12. Of Alec's Past and Love Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter guys!Phew, this was quick, I'm going to Croatia with my family tomorrow, so I wanted to finish this story quickly.Am I not a nice person?I think I am, considering the fact that I could have just left you with that angsty ending of the previous chap and write the rest two weeks from now after I come back.So be grateful!  
> There's still an epilogue to come and I'll post it tonight or tomorrow morning.  
> Enjoy!  
> I own nothing, just the plot and- you know the rest.

„Sorry for taking so long,“I said to Ragnor and Layla when I reached them.She looked at me with worried eyes.

 „Did you and Alec have a fight or something?“she asked.

 „I wish we did, that way I’d know what to apologise for.But like this,I have no idea what I’ve done to make him so upset,“I whined.

 „I’m sure you’ll figure it out.Give him time.I’ll leave you two alone, just don’t disturb other patients, okay?“Layla told both of us and walked away.

 „So, Maggie, how’s it going?That your wonder boy?“Ragnor asked with a smirk.We went to the empty corner of the day room, where we sat down on soft chairs.

 „I don’t want to talk about him now.You wanted to tell me something, so speak,“I ordered and tried to focus on him, instead of looking over my shoulder at Alec.I could practicaly feel his eyes burning a hole into my back.

 „Shit’s going on Mag.My life is in ruins,“Ragnor said solemnly.My eyebrows shot up and a lump formed in my neck.Damn it, I knew something bad happened.

 „Cat broke up with me,“he continued.I froze.

 „And without a reason too!Well, I may have accidentaly compared her to Smurfette, but it was in the flames of passion, I couldn’t control what comes out of my mind anymore!You know how sensitive she is about her skin, but don’t you think she’s overreacting?I mean, she called me anorexic Hulk once and did I broke up with for it?No!And now she’s ignoring me and I don’t know how to- Magnus are you okay?You look kinda…red,“he asked with concern and a tiny flick of nervousness.

I couldn’t blame him, I was practically fumming with anger.

 „You don’t answer my messages.Don’t call.Don’t visit.Because of a fight with Catarina?I was worried that you got yourself killed!“I almost yelled.He flinched and then grinned like madman.With a delighted whoop that green idiot threw himself at me and squeezed so tight that breathing became impossible.Finally he let me go, still wearing that shit eating grin and I could only glare at him.

 „You’re such a sweet guy, Maggie!But if you were that worried, you could have came and checked on me,ya know.I wouldn’t mind.We’d have cookies and watch TV…“ he said sweetly.

My eyes widened incredulously, things clicking in place.

 „You-You sneaky cheating son of a bitch!I can’t belive you made me worry like this just to win that stupid bet!“I yelled and knocked my chair over in my haste to get up.

 „Oh,c’mon Magnus.Calm down, it’s not like I told you to be scared shitless for me, though it’s flattering.When did I promise to play fair?And besides, a hard break up is a good enough reason for not writing for a week,“he soothed with a serious expression.

I furiously glared at him for few more seconds, but then straightened the fallen chair and flopped on it with an annoyed huff.

 „Hard break up my ass.You and Catarina always break up over stupid things and get back together afterwards.I bet you made her angry on purpose, just to have a reason for rough make up sex,“I grumbled, but without my previous anger.

He smiled apologeticaly and I returned it hesitantly.

 „You got me there.Are we cool?“he asked.

 „Yeah,we’re cool,“ I sighed, „But if you pull a stunt like this again, I won’t speak to you for the next century,just to be clear.

 „Pfff,drama queen as usual.Hey, why’s your loverboy staring at me like that?“Ragnor asked and motioned behind me.I turned around.

 „Stop calling him that, his name is Alexander.And he’s probably just freaked out by your skin, he’s never seen a warlock before me,“I explained and sent Alec a hesitant smile.The boy just turned back to his painting, but didn’t do anything, instead he gripped the brush so hard I feared it’ll break.

I furrowed my brow.There was something wrong with the way Alec sat now and his eyes were distant and wide, as if seeing something horrible.I recognized the signs that a break down is approaching,I could sense it through the bond between us.

 „I’ll be right back, Ragnor,“I just mumbled and got up.

 „Wait, is he alright?“he asked quickly.

 „That’s what I’m gonna go  find out.Wait here,“I instructed and made my way to Alec.

He didn’t see me, just continued staring onto the canvas.

 „Alec?Darling, are you okay?“I asked tentatively and crouched next to him.It reminded me of our position only while ago before I went to Ragnor.

Alec almost jumped out of his skin at the sound of my voice and squinted, as if the light was suddenly to bright for him.

 „What?“he croaked in hoarse voice, eyes widened.I frowned with worry, though I felt a slight relief that I managed to stop him from having a fit.

 „Are you okay?“I repeated.

 „I’m fine, it’s just…That friend of yours,“he whispered.I could jump in joy at that moment.He’s talking to me again!

 „What about him?I know that he’s green, it’s his warlock mark,“I told him.He shook his head,frowning.

 „No,that’s not it.I-He seems weirdly familiar,“Alec slowly said.I think that if my eyebrows got any higher, I’d look like a cartoon character.

 „You mean you two met before?“

 „I’m not sure.I only remember green skin.Are there more warlocks like him?“

I thought for a moment.

 „No, I don’t think so.I know one warlock with green hair, but that’s about it.Though I don’t know every single warlock on Earth, there could be one with green skin,“I frowned.

 „But I could ask Ragnor.Maybe he’ll remember, if he’s seen you before,“I suggested.Alec nodded, so I turned at my friend and waved at him to come to us.When he did,Alec hung his head and I think he was staring at Ragnor’s chest.I wanted to chuckle, I haven’t warned the green warlock about Alec’s weird meeting habits.I still remembered the way he hid behind a book for ten minutes before he even as much as let me see his face.

 „Alec, this is Ragnor Fell, my faithful minion.Anorexic Hulk, this is Alexander,“I introduced them.Ragnor gave me a dirty look at the name, but smiled at the blue-eyed boy, who didn’t even notice, because of his meaningful look.I gave him a cheeky grin, happy that he interacted normaly with me, there was none of that akward tension between us anymore.

 „I prefer being called Alec,“he said then and turned back to Ragnor.

 „Hey Alec.Magnus wouldn’t shut up about you, when’s the wedding?“Ragnor asked, smiling like the jerk he is.I shot him another glare, which he ignored.

 „Shut up, Beast Boy,“I spat at him.Alec chuckled a bit.

 „What’s so funny?“I asked.

 „Nothing, just from the way you’re acting, I’d say that you to are the ones getting married,“he said, still smiling.

 „What?“we both squeaked in horror.

 „I’d rather live with phouka demons in my house then marry this glitter addict!“Ragnor exclaimed.

 „Funny, because that’s exactly what you’re going to get.Ugh, I can’t belive you’d insult me like this Alexander.It hurts.Really,“I said in played hurt.Alec chuckled again and then looked fully up at Ragnor for the first time.I was glad that he’s feeling comfortable enough to do so, but that happiness disappeared as fast as it came.I felt Ragnor stiffen next to me and when I looked up to see what’s wrong, he was staring at Alec with mouth agape.The boy was squirming under his gaze, trying to hide his face, probably thinking that Ragnor’s so rudely staring at his scar.

 „Y-You!You c-can’t be-“ my friend stuttered.I raised my brows, that was the first time I’ve ever heard Ragnor stutter and I decided that it’s cuter when Alec does it.

 „So I také it you two have met before?“I observed.They didn’t asnwer, just started some kind of staring contest.Then Ragnor spoke.

 „You can’t be the boy from Alicante.That’s impossible.“

I frowned.What?

Alec looked like he may fall over any second, but still responded.

 „You’re the one who handed me over to those vampires,“he said shakily and stood up to take a step away from Ragnor, who wore the guiltiest expression I’ve ever seen on him.

Wait,vampires?How could-Oh.I get it.The boy from Alicante.

 „So it’s true then.You’re that Lightwood kid,“Ragnor whispered.

Lightwood.Wait a second, I didn’t hear anything about a Lightwood from him!

Alec nodded warrily, taking another step back.The aprehension was clear in his eyes.Blue eyes.I’ve never met a Lightwood with blue eyes.

Alec is a Lightwood.The last Lightwood.Or isn’t he?I believed that all Lightwoods were killed in the war against Morgensterns, but obviously I was wrong.

I realised that I stopped listening, so I tuned my mind back in the conversation.

 „Shit,I’m so so sorry!I-I thought I sent you to safety, they promised to také you to the Institute!Santiago owned me a favour and I belived him to také care of you!God, if I knew-I’d never-I’m so sorry!“Ragnor choked out, pulling at his hair and looking at Alec with pleading eyes.

I was stunned.Pieces of information about Alec were starting to finally fit together and I definitely didn’t like the picture I was getting.Not one bit.

 „You handed a Shadowhunter child to vampires who were desperate to run from the war.What were you expecting?That if one of the whole nest owes you, the rest will just go with it?The wanted to blackmail the Clave with me!“Alec yelled.I flinched at how loud his voice got,I’ve never heard him lose it like this.

My brain was in overdrive, franaticaly trying to process all of those facts, but I still registered the other patients looking our way and Layla coming to us.

 „What’s going on here?Mr Fell, I belive you came here to visit Magnus, not to disturb other patients.I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to leave,“she said, looking between us.She looked concerned.I couldn’t blame her, it was quite a sight.Ragnor was breathing heavily, hands still tangled in his hair, Alec stood good five feet from both of us, panting slightly with an angry flushed face and I was sitting, probably with a dumbfounded expression.

 „I’m so very sorry.But if it helps at least a bit, they are all gone.Excuse me.I’ll see you soon Mag,“Ragnor said quietly and strode out of the room.

 „Are you two alright?Alec?“Layla asked softly when he was gone.He only nodded, so she turned to me.

 „We’re fine, don’t worry,“I assured her in raspy voice.She didn’t look convinced, but still left, after looking at Alec once more.

Alec slowly went back to his chair and sat back down.

We didn’t speak for a while.

I was trying to make sense of everything I found out.

Ragnor was the one who got Alec from Alicante.

Alec is a Lightwood.Probably the last one of the line.

How did he end up here?How did he get away from Santiago and his group?

But I couldn’t ask those questions now.Alec looked terribly pale and as if he would faint soon.

 „Darling, are you alright?“I asked tentatively.God, how many times have I asked that question today?

 „I don’t know,“he whispered. „It’s too much to handle for one day.And I can’t belive that of all people who could have been your friend, it’s the one person who ruined my life.“

My heart clenched painfuly and I hung my head.

 „I knew,“I whispered sadly.I don’t even know why I’m going to tell him, I just had a weird feeling that I should.

 „What?“Alec asked, surprised.I gulped.

 „Ragnor told me what happened.We were both called to Alicante to repair the wards around the city with other warlocks, but we didn’t manage to do so in time and the demons with Morgensterns attacked.We fought too, but when it was evident that the city will fall, we went to search for survivors and children, to portal them to Institutes around the world.We couldn’t open portals directly to Institutes because of their protection, so we had people we trust on the other sides to guid the survivors there.Me and Ragnor separated.I went to the Gard and he headed to the Angel‘s square.He found you on his way there.After we met up again, he told me about a pair of siblings.He said that the girl was killed before he got there, but that he saved a little boy and sent him to the New York Institute with Santiago.You have no idea how sorry he was, when he found out that Raphael took you to his nest instead of the Institute.When they were killed, everybody thought you were dead too.I can assure you, that if he have had even a little doubt, he wouldn‘t do what he did,“I talked.I didn’t really look at him.I felt guilty.If I was the one to find Alec, I’d hand him over to Tessa and she would take him to the London Institute like all the other survivors.When I think about it now, there were more people Ragnor sent to Santiago.I will probably never know what happened to them.I should have talked Ragnor out of trusting the vampire.When I think about it, whatever happened to Alec after that was my fault.I’m older then Ragnor, I could have said something.Could have done something…

 „Magnus.“

I didn’t look up at Alec.All the painful thoughts from before came back.That stuff that Alec came through, that was only another proof that I am a part demon.

 „Magnus can you please look at me?“Alec insisted.

I sighed and slowly raised my head.I almost flinched from how close his face was and I realised that he was crouching in front of me, chair forgoten.

There was a determined look on his face, eyes gleaming.

„Mags, stop. I can tell you’re blaming yourself right now.It wasn’t your fault.Probably not even Ragnor’s.I understand that he belived he’s doing the right thing.There was no way for him to know that that vampire will betray him and that…that monster will…“Alec spoke, but his voice broke in the end and he took a shaky breath, but didn’t finish the sentence, instead he examined his hands.

I felt irrational relief that he doesn’t blame me and happiness from hearing that pet name again, but that was forgotten the moment he said the word monster.

 „What monster?“I breathed, my voice shaky as well.Alec was talking about his past with me.Sad that Ragnor was the reason for it, but that doesn’t matter, all that metters is that he actually talked about it without breaking down.I was so proud of him.Maybe he’ll tell me more now.

However, after my question, he stayed silent.Crap.This is the moment he’ll close off again.But at least I understand him better now.

 „Can you come to my room tonight?“he suddenly asked, very quietly.I think I broke something in my neck, by the speed my head snapped up.

 „What?“I rasped and had to clean my throat.That was unexpected.If we weren’t in such a serious situation, I would probably  have some sexual innuendo for him, but this way, I could just gape.

 „I think…I think I’m ready.To…tell you.I-If you want to hear it, of course,“he mumbled nervously, bitting his lip and averting his eyes.

 „I do, but darling, are you sure?I mean, I don’t want you to…well I know how it hurts you to remember this stuff,“I struggled to get out.

 „I’m sure.I trust you and I think that since you’d put up with me for so long, you deserve to know,“he said.My eyes widened.

 „What do you mean, put up with you?Alexander, I love spending time with you and don’t you dare speak of yourself like you’re someone who doesn’t deserve that!“I snapped.Damn, I can’t belive that.

 „Okay.Sorry.But I really mean it, you know?I want to tell you.I know how curious you are,“he said with a ghost of smile. „And beside…you said you’re going to leave soon.I want at least some kind of closure,“he added slowly, face contorted in something that could be described only as raw pain.I took a deep breath.He wants closure?Well, so do I.

 „Alright.I’ll come to you at midnight.And about me and leaving…we’ll talk about it,“ I promised.I saw sadnessin his eyes and it wasn’t hard to guess why.He expects a goodbye.Then it’ll probably be surprising what I’ll ask from him.

We didn’t speak after that.It wasn’t necessary.We were going to solve our problems and close this chapter.In the end, Alec will be the one to make the final choice.Because if he says that he’ll stay here, I’d probably stay too.

Dinner came soon and then we went to the bathroom.Before we parted, Alec whispered his room number to me.

After my door door clicked behind me, I summoned some paper and a pen and wrote a fire message to Ragnor, saying that Alec knows it wasn’t entirely his fault and that he still owes me the Book of White after I come home.When I sent it, I lyied on the bed and counted minutes to midnight.When it came, I made myself invisible and opened the door with a flick of my wrist.I had it all figured out.I magicked the cameras to go blind for the moment when I slipped out uf the room and closed the door.Then I quickly made my way down the hallway, to find Alec’s room.

It was weird.I felt like a ghost, walking in silence like this.I didn’t even meet any nurses.

Finally I found the right door and did the same spell with cameras to get inside.The door shut with a silent click and turned around, making myself visible again.

The sight before me was surprising, though I suspected it.

Alec had his wrists, waist and legs tied to the bed by leather straps.

 „Jesus!“he cursed after registering me.

 „Nope, just me, though close enough.But go on, flattery always helps,“I grinned and went to free him, but stopped mere milimetres from his wrists.

 „Can I?Not that I don’t enjoy the view, but it makes me nervous when you’re tied up like this,“I asked softly.He nodded.

 „It‘s a necessity.I move around a lot when I’m having a nightmare and the nurses don’t want me to get hurt,“he explained while I gently removed the leather straps.I did my best not to touch him, but when I did accidentaly brush my fingers over his skin, he just shuddereda little, no flinching or wincing in pain.Maybe he was getting used to me again.

 „Why don’t they give you some sleeping pills?“I asked, working on his legs.

 „They used to, but I started getting addicted.So they stopped,“he shrugged and once free, curled himslef into a ball in the head of the bed, the motioned for me to sit with him.I seated myslef opposite him and draped the blanket over our legs.

There was a minute of silence, when we just breathed together and thought about what we’re going to say.

 „I already told you that I was born in Idris, right?“Alec started.I nodded.

 „I was the eldest of three children.Isabelle, Jace and Max.Our parents were part of the Clave.When the war began, I was ten, Jace and Isabelle eight and Max only one.I was out, playing with Izzy, when…“he stopped for a second, to calmi his breathing.I offered him my hand for the taking, but he didn’t, so I left it there, ready for when he needs support.

 „Demon towers were destroyed and it was dark.Me and Izz…We panicked and tried to get home, but the crowd wouldn’t let us.People were gearing up to fight.We had no idea what was going on, but eventually we caught up with Penhallows and they took us to their house.And then the demons came and destroyed it.We ran, but few of them caught up with us and Isabelle…got killed,“he said.Somewhere in the middle of that he took my hand and squeezed it.I could see how hard it was to talk about it for him, his face was full of burning pain.But he didn’t stop.

 „The same demon then wanted to kill me, but Ragnor saved me.He had to tear me from Izzy and took me to a portal.There was a boy waiting for us.Right after Ragnor left, the vampire tied me up and dragged me to their nest.You know the rest of that.They left me alone for few hours and then…I heard the die.I don’t know how, but a man with a little boy killed all of them and came for me,“he breathed and tightened his grip on my hand so much it almost hurt.His whole body trembled and he was _freezing._ I wrapped that blanked tighter around him.

 „Alec, you don’t have to-“

 „Yes, I do.I need to say it.I have to get it out, or my head will explode,“he said sharply, with new strength.

It was breaking my heart, seeing him so vulnerable, so exposed and I couldn’t control myself.My body moved on it’s own and crawled next to him.My free hand wrapped around Alec’s shoulders and pressed him to my chest.He didn’t protest how I thought he would.Instead he nestled down under my chin and fisted my T-shirt.

 „They wanted to know the Mortal Cup’s whereabouts, but I had no idea where it was.I told them, but they didn’t belive me.The man, I think his name was Valentine, knew that we Lightwoods were the ones Clave entrusted with the Cup.But our parents never even let us see it, much less know where they hid it.He still didn’t belive me and tortured me.Only whipping at first, but other things too.It was terrible and he just wouldn’t stop and when I couldn’t take it anymore, he would draw an _iratze_ on me and after I healed a bit, he would start again.That boy, his son, would only watch and sometimes laugh,“Alec stopped for a moment and just took deep breaths.I stopped breathing when he got to that torturing part.I understood.That pain he felt when anybody would touch him.All those scars.Nightmares.

 „After he realised that I won’t budge, he wanted to-to c-carve out my eyes.Then that boy told me they did the same to Jace and that they killed him.I thought I was going to die.But then Shadowhunters came to save me.I don’t know how they found me, but they did and they took me away.They took me to the New York Institute.Later I found out that they retrieved my family’s bodies and arranged a funeral.My parents were killed in the war and Jace got caught by those monsters.I don’t even know what happened to M-Max, but they found him too.I-I was supposed to start my training in the Institute, but I couldn’t fight.I couldn’t be touched by anyone, I always remembered how V-Valentine tortured me and my family and I just couldn’t.They understood and left me alone for about a year and half, but then they insisted that I start training, or I won’t became a Shadowhunter.When I freaked out after they tried to put a rune on me, I ran away.I just couldn’t live like before.I didn’t want to be a Shadowhunter.Even though it ashamed my family’s name, but I’m the only one wearing it, so what does it matter?I was alone.Still am,“Alec gulped and his breath hitched.I could feel him trembling and sobs started wrecking his body.I held him close to me and rubbed soothing circles on his back. 

 „Shh.It’s okay baby, you’re safe.You’re okay and you’re safe here.I’ve got you.It‘s alright,I’m with you,“I whispered into his soft hair and rocked us back and forward while Alec desperately cried.My eyes stung and I left the tears fall.I couldn’t belive that he’s been through so much in such a young age.My stomach turned upside down, when I imagined ten years old Alec, with his big innocent eyes, chained and screaming.

It all made sense now and I was surprised that he’s still able to act normal.Memories of my own past made their unwelcomed appearance and I remembered how afraid I was of water for next few centuries thanks to my step-father’s attempt to drown me.So I just held him close and cried together with him.

 „You don’t have to say anything else.I understand,“I mumbled after he stopped gasping for breath and calmed down a bit.He nodded shakily and sighed.

 „It’s actually…better now.I feel good after saying it.Thank you for listening,“he said, still firmly glued to my chest.

 „I’m glad you told me.I’m so so sorry you had to go through so much pain, sweetheart.But you’re okay now and we’re together.You’re not alone.Nothing else matters.What happened in the past can’t be changed.Let’s not dwell on it.Let’s focus on our future now, shall we?“I suggested gently.

 „What future?You’re going to leave.I’ll be alone either way,“he mumbled and pulled back a little and turned away from me.I took a deep breath.

 „Yes.I’m leaving in four days,“I said.His shoulders slumped even more.

 „And I’d like you to leave with me.“

Alec froze in shock and looked at me with impossibly wide eyes.Have I not been scared to death, I’d probably laugh at his incredulousness.What’s so surprising about it?Surely he must have expected it at least a bit?Hoped?

Well, that stunned expression told me that the possibility of it haven’t even cross his mind.

 „What?“he croaked after a while of staring.

 „Come home with me,“I repeated slowly so that he has enough time to process it.

 „B-But why?“he stuttered, genuienly confused.

 „Because it’s common that when you love somebody, you want to be with them,“I confessed.There.I said it.

 „Y-you love me?“Alec got out, blushing furiously, but still with that disbelieving look.I sighed.

 „Silly Nephilim.How could I not?“I told him patiently.

 „I-I-But-What-Why yould you…love…someone like me?he stammered.I pressed a finger under his chin to make him raise his head and stared deep into those exquisite blue eyes.

 „Because even after all that shit you went through, you are still a sweet, innocent and caring person.SO what that you have some issues?Everyone does!Nobody’s perfect, Alexander, but I’ve never met a person so close to perfection like you.Besides, I find little imperfections all the more appealing,“I spoke, trying really hard to make him unerstand how completely I love him.It must have got through, because in the next moment Alec’s lips were pressed firmly against mine.He tasted like salt mixed with heaven(hey,it’s true, he’s got angel blood in him after all) and I felt more tears sliding down his cheeks.I prayed to whatever deity that those were tears of happiness and not sadness.

Fortune was on my side, because when he pulled back, there was that characteristic blush, but he was smiling brightly, practicaly glowing.For the firts time I know him, there wasn’t even a hint of sadness, pain or fear in his eyes, only something, that my eyes were surely reflecting.Pure love.I knew he does love me, even though he didn’t say it and It made me so happy, that I felt like I could die at that moment and not regret a thing, because this perfectly unperfect human being loves me.

I had to swallow the lump in my throat, to ensure my voice doesn’t break when I spoke.

 „So will you?Come with me?“

There was only a second of silence.

 „Okay.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lalala, aren't they cute?What do you think about Alec's story, wasn't it too angsty?Leave me some feedback, so that I know how I did.Look forward to the epilogue, which will have some steamy stuff, just warning ;)  
> Love all of you who left kudos and commeted, you're the best!


	13. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, as promised, here's the epilogue.There's a lemon inside, just so that you know, that's why I changed the rating to Mature.I hope you'll like it!  
> I bet you could say the disclaimer as good as me, so I won't write it again.

We were standing in my room in front of a portal.It’s shape resembled a door, but inside was a swirling water-like substance.

„Are you ready, sweetness?“Magnus asked with an exicited grin.He was bouncing on his heels like little child on Christmas and I couldn’t help but smile at his eagerness.

 „Yeah,“I confrimed.His hand slipped into mine and I instinctively laced our fingers together.

I looked around the room for the last time and said a silent goodbye, before we stepped through the portal and into a whole new world.

 

_ Six months later _

 

 „Mags?!“I asked-yelled.

 „Yeah?“I heard the a reply from somewhere in the loft.

 „You do know there’s a giant catfish in the tub, right?“

 „Oh yeah, I’ll need it for a client.If you want to take a bath, I can move it,“the warlock said, his spiky head sticking out from the kitchen.He had few white spots on his cheeks and I had to keep myself from laughing.When I didn’t answer, he walked out into the living room and I completely lost it.My knees buckled and I sat on the floor, clutching my stomach and laughing like crazy.My boyfriend had a green apron on,covered in pink bows and hearts, with big speech bubble, reading ‘I’m more fab then you!‘.I couldn’t help it, it looked ridiculous, but so very Magnus.

 „What’s so funny?“he asked and ran his fingers through his hair, leaving white flour streaks in them.It made him look like an old man, so I only laughed more.

 „C’mon darling, stop and breathe, you’ll have a heart attack,“he said, a smile stretching his lips.

 „T-That a-ap-ron oh my G-od,I ca-n’t even…“I choked out in between bursts of laughter.

It took him few seconds to decipher my words and when he did, his lips twisted into a pout.

 „What’s wrong about it?“he asked, giving said garment a look over.

I took few deep breaths and stood up, still chuckling occasionaly.

 „Nothing.It’s cute.Like you,“I said and went to kiss him.He kissed me back, but pulled away quickly, to go back into the kitchen.I followed him, curious what his next creation will be.There was flour everywhere, but I didn’t really care, Magnus will be able to clean it all with a simple snap of his fingers.

My boyfriend was just opening the oven and pulling out a steaming baking tray.

 „You made cookies?“I asked.

 „Yep.It was supposed to be a cake, but I remembered the last time I tried and settled on something simple,“he shrugged and carefully arranged the cookies on a plate.

 „So, are you going to offer me one and tell me my future?“I joked.He laughed at _The Matrix_ reference and did that magical clean up with his fingers.

 „Sure thing, sweetheart, though you’ll have to wait for them to cool down a bit.I predict, you’ll live happily ever after with your sparkly, fabulous and magnificent prince,“he said with that fake serious expression.I frowned.

 „Wait, doesn’t that make me a princess?“

He smiled sweetly, hugged me and spun us around once.

 „Yes it does.I’m the manly one in this relationship.And I saved you from a scary tower.“

I gave his apron a pointed look.

 „I belive you meant to say that you’re the girly one.You wear more glitter then all the Disney princesses together!And it was a mental hospital with doctors and nurses, not a killer dragon.“

 „Details.And you love me for my glitter.“

 „I do.Also for your body.But you still wear glitter and that’s not very manly.“I pointed out.

 „You hurt me.And the fact that other men don’t wear glitter only confirms that I’m more masculine then all of them for doing it, they are too scared what the world would think of them.Besides, you’re more emotional then me.“

 „Am not.“

 „You are.“

 „No,I’m not.“

 „Yes, you are.“

After few more minutes of this, we just started laughing again.After all, we argued about this so many times already, but always ended up with no real deduction.

We took the cookies to the TV and switched it on.

 „What should we watch?“Magnus mussed.

 „Dunno.Your turn tonight,“I shrugged and settled in our usual position, Magnus sprawled accros the couch with his head in my lap.

 „I was thinking Avatar?We haven’t watched it together yet,“he said.

 „Okay.“

He put it on with a flick of his wrist.We watched in silence, me focusing more on Magnus then the movie.I ran my fingers through his hair, ruing the spikes and combing the glitter out gently.About halfway through the movie we both lyied down to a spooning position.Chairman Meow jumped on the couch and curled by my side, purring contently when I started stroking his furr.It didn’t take long for my eyelids to get heavy and I drifted to sleep, just as that blue girl and the white man in blue body started flying around on gigant colorful birds.

 

I was awoken by two long arms slipping under me and lifting my body.I nestled against the warm chest and sighed happily.

 „Sorry to wake you, darling.I’ll take you to bed, okay?“Magnus whispered and pressed a gentle kiss to my head.

 „M’kay,“I slurred tiredly.

 „Do you want me to bring you that potion against nightmares?“he asked after laying me down onto the soft mattress.He always asks that question, even though I had my last nightmare about a month ago.I just shook my head and tugged on his hand to make him lay next to me.He chuckled and pulled back.

 „Patience, darling.I forgot to switch the TV off.Be back in a second, okay?“he told me and disappeared back to the living room.I sighed and snuggled under the soft comforter.Soon enough, Magnus returned and lost his T-shirt and tight pants on the way.He climbed onto the bed and slipped under the covers just in his boxers.I blushed slightly, even in my sleepy state, but I didn’t really mind.I liked to feel Magnus’s smooth lean body pressed against mine like that.It made me feel really small and secured.I shifted slightly, so that my head was on the warlock’s chest and draped one arm over his waist.He hugged me closer and kissed my forehead.

 „Good night, Alexander,“he murmured.

 „Good night, Magnus,“I replied and almost instantly fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

 

I yawned loudly and stretched my arms.There was a bright light coming through the window and the place next to me empty.I rolled on Magnus’s side and deeply breathed the smell lingering on his pillow.Sandalwood, lemon grass and something musky and sweet, that was solely Magnus.It was a scent that I learned to connect to safety and freedom.

It was already half a year since we left the mental hospital.Sometimes I’m afraid that if I go to sleep at night, I’ll wake up there again and discover, that it was all just a dream.Of course then Magnus wakes me up from the nightmare and I realise, that it all really happened.

 „Morning, sweetheart,“Magnus said and came out of the bathroom, wearing only a towel around his hips.I couldn’t keep my eyes of his body.He was tall and slim, but not skinny.There were solid muscles flexing under his caramel coloured skin and those strong arms were able to lift me up like a little child, even though I was almost as tall as Magnus.Then there was that walk of his.I’ve never seen anyone as graceful as him, every movement resembled a cat and it was most apparent when our kisses got little out of hand.Then his pupils would dilate so much they’ll swallow almost all the colour and his body would switch into the predatory mood, hips swaying slightly and his- Okay, okay, end of that train of thoughts, or I’ll have a growing problem on my hands.

 „Morning.Did you get rid of that catfish yet?“I yawned again.

 „Nope.That client who wants it should came ‘round two in the afternoon,“he replied and went to pick up some clothes from the closet.

 „Why would anyone want a six feet long catfish?“I mussed and got up to make the bed.

 „No idea.Maybe he’s got a big hungry demon pet?Or he’s just terribly lonely.Or has a fish fetish.“I had to smile on his ridiculous ideas.

 „Or maybe he just requested the first thing on his mind to have a reason to see you again,“I grumbled and made my way to the dresser, to pull out some clean clothes.

 „That’s also a possibility,“Magnus agreed. „After all, I am magnificent.But unfortunately for him, I have a gorgeous boyfriend.“

I blushed and let myself get pulled into a gentle kiss.

 „And besides…I’m really not into blondes,“he added after we parted.

I went to take a shower and changed into a dark blue sweater and loose black jeans.I chose these on our shopping trip two weeks ago, after Magnus decided that I needed something my size and took me shopping.His clothes were always either too long or too tight for me, though I apreciated his big T-shirts sometimes, they were really comfy.When you look away from the scandalous writings on them.

We started leaving the loft after four days since we got out of the hospital.I was really nervous at first, but Magnus didn’t push me anywhere near other people, we just took a walk in a park and talked.I still remember that amazement and happiness from being able to just walk around, breathe fresh air and not have to worry about cameras everywhere.

Life with Magnus was better then any dream I ever had.Sure, it was a little akward at first, when I asked for permission to do anything, but we soon fell into kind of a routine.Magnus took a week off from being the High warlock to show me around Brooklyn and Manhattan.After some time I adjusted to masses of people everywhere and wasn’t that uncomfortable.At least when Magnus was with me.

I still avoided unnecessary touching, but I didn’t start freaking out when it happened.I usually just flinched or jumped a bit, but there were no flashbacks anymore.

Sometimes I wonder how it happened.Everything started to get better the moment I touched Magnus six months ago.Maybe it was his magic?Or the bond I made him create between us?I asked him about it, but he didn’t know any more then I did.The only thing he said was, that maybe it was because I wasn’t alone anymore.That I no longer had to worry about anything, because Magnus will always be there for me, to protect me.It kinda made sense.

 „Would you like some coffee?“I offered.

 „Yeah, sure,“Magnus agreed and took the cup from me with a smile.I returned it and started making us breakfast.

It’s funny, but even though I never cooked in my life, I was still better cook then Magnus with his eight hundred years.

_„How come you never learned how to cook?“I asked.._

_„I was always too busy partying and shopping and working.I never found time.The life of a High warlock is really tiring, you see?“he shrugged with a smirk.He was currently laying sprawled on the couch with Chairman Meow sleeping on his stomach, watching Project Runway._

_„I can see that.How do you even get up after such a hard work?“I asked sarcasticaly._

_„I usually don’t.“_

I served us bacon with scrambled eggs and seated myslef across Magnus at the table.

 „So, any other clients today?Except the weirdo at two?“I asked.

 „You know, this catfish guy is actally one of the most normal ones.And yes, there’s this Mundie and a vampire around ten at night, so I’ll be out late.“

 „I see.But until two you’re free?“I assured myself.

 „Yep.Why?“

 „Well…we weren’t out together for a while, so I thought…maybe we could go to Taki’s for lunch?See Clary and Simon,“I sugested.

 „Taki’s?That’s fine by me, but darling, are you sure?“Magnus asked with concern.I nodded.

 „Yeah, I’ll be okay.Besides, it’s Thursday.It won’t be crowded much,“I shrugged and I meant it.The prospect of being in a place full of people didn’t scare me as much anymore.

 „It’s a date then!“my boyfriend exclaimed enthusiasticaly.I smiled brightly.We finished our breakfast in comfortable silence and then both moved to do our things.Magnus needed to finish a potion and I had a painting to perfect.That’s actually my job.I paint a lot and every month I have my work displayed in local gallery.It always sells really quick and for good money, so I don’t have to feel bad about Magnus paying for everything.

I went to my makeshift atelier, that used to be the guest room, and sat on a stool in front of the canvas.My current painting was the view from our loft in sunset.I started mixing colours, when there was a loud bang, coming from Magnus’s study.I immediately dropped everything and ran there.

 „Magnus?Are you okay?“I asked concernedly and opened the door.

The warlock was dubling over, clutching at his stomach and coughing, probably because of the thick black smoke, coming from the small pot he was mixing the potion in.

 „I’m f-fine,“he got out and went to open the window and let the smoke out.

 „Did something go wrong?“

 „No, on the contrary, it’s done.I just didn’t expect it to blow in my face to let me know,“he complained and conjured a small vial.

 „So, what’s it for?“I asked curiously, examining the thick purple liquid.

 „Falling hair.I think,“Magnus shrugged and filled the vial.

 „You think?“my eyebrows shot up.

 „I can never be sure what it’ll do.But this time I’d give it ninety six percent,“he grinned and sealed the potion with a cork.

 „What about the other four?“

 „Well…it can change her hair colour.Nothing bad, don’t worry,“he waved it off dismissively and with a loud snap cleaned the whole room.I sighed and let him kiss me.

 „You worry too much, darling.Nothing I do will hurt anyone, promise.“

 „I know.“

I returned to my painting after that, Magnus still had some work to do.

It took about two hours, but finally I was satisfied and went to take a shower, I needed to wash my hair.I always unintentionally get paint into it.

That catfish was still swimming in the tub.It really was six feet long and it’s fins were dangling over the edges.

I undressed and stepped into the shower.I heard the bathroom door open and close again and not ten seconds later two arms snaked themselves around my waist.

 „Mind if I join you?“Magnus purred and planted soft kiss behind my ear.I smiled.He always asks, no matter how many times we already did this.It still makes me giddy with happiness, when I think about how far I’ve got from the boy who was scared and nervous about a simple kiss.

 „Not at all.But don’t forget about our date,we don’t have much time,“I mumbled and tilted my head back to rest it against his shoulder.He reached for the soap and started gently scrubing it onto my chest and arms.I sighed when his fingers found the scars on my back.Then they moved to my shoulders and started massaging them.All thoughts flew out of the window and were reduced to only one. _This feels so good._

**:**

„You like that, baby?“he whispered into my ear and moved to my hardened nipples.

 „Mmhhh,“I just moaned softly, when he started rubbing them.I felt that I wasn’t the only one aroused by his ministrations, so I turned around and started planting open mouthed kisses under his jaw and neck, while his hands slid to my butt and squeezed slightly.I kissed a path down his chest and started sucking on his  left nipple.He threw his head back and moaned loudly, back arching to get closer.I happily gave him what he wanted and licked one hard nub, while tweaking the other.

 „Mhh…Alec!“Magnus moaned and moved his hands to my front, gently gripping my growing erection.I groaned, when he started stroking me with long, fluid motions.

 „M-Magnus…ahhh…Ma-gs…“I breathed in between moans when his hand sped up, catching up on my upcoming orgasm.And then, just as I was almost falling of the edge he stopped.I was panting harshly and wanted to scream in frustration, but then he turned me back around and I felt my stomach tighten, when he inserted one slicked finger inside me smoothly.I breathed quickly and had to steady myself against the wet tiles.A deep moan escaped me, when the second and third finger joined the first.He was moving quickly and thoroughly, effortlessly scissoring me open.

 „I’m r-ready,M-aah-gnus,“I got out with great difficulty.He withdrew his fingers and I hissed at the sudden emtiness.The sound however died on my lips, when he pushed himself inside me.I cried out and my knees buckled, but Magnus caught me and dug his fingers into my sides, holding me in place, while he continued to slowly fill me up.After he was fully sheated inside, he rested his forehead against the nape of my neck, taking deep breaths and waiting for me to adjust to the sudden fullness.His legs were trembling from the effort of holding back.

 „Move Magnus.Please,“I whined, when the pressure became unbearable.

He started slow, pulling out only an inch or so at first, but at my frustrated huff, he went wild and started pounding me harder and faster and all I could do was to desperately hold on to the wall and cry out everytime he thrusted inside me.

Our legs started to give out soon, so we slid to the floor, water falling down on us and making our skin slide against each other deliciously.

I was seated on Magnus’s lap, tilting my head back and moaning loudly, when he continued to thrust and devoured my kneck at the same time.

Suddenly he slammed right into my prostate and I screamed loudly in ectasy.

 „Oh God!AH!Please Mhhagnus!Again!“I begged and I felt him grinn.Then he gave me exactly what I wanted and hit that spot again and again, over and over, until it almost hurt and my voice got hoarse from all the screaming.

We started kissing, our tongues battling for dominance, swallowing each others moans and sighs.

It didn’t take long for me to get to the edge again, trying to hold on and failing misserably.

 „Ah!M-Magnus!I-I’m gonna-“I yelled.He only quickened his pace in response, bouncing me on top of him roughly.

Hot wave of pleasure hit me and just like that I was coming and my stomach muscles tightened, causing Magnus to cry out too and spill his come inside of me.

We stayed that way for a while, just calming our breathing and coming down from our hights.

 „Let’s get cleaned up and head out,“Magnus suggested after few minutes and I could only agree.

**:**

After scrubbing each other and few ocassional kisses we stepped out, dressed up and went to have lunch.It was late spring and a cool breeze was blowing, causing me and Magnus to press our sides together, to preserve some body heat.

When we entered the cosy family restaurant, we were greeted by a familiar sight.There were only few taken tables, just like I predicted and there were two of my favourite waiters working behind the counter.

 „Magnus, Alec!Hi!“ Clary called.

 „Hey guys,“mumbled Simon.

 „Geez, you’re so thrilled about seeing us, Simon, I’m flattered,“Magnus quiped with a mock hurt.

 „Don’t take it personally, he’s this grumpy since yesterday.They postponed the selling of _Watch Dogs_ ,“ Clary rolled her eyes. „The usual?“

 „Yeah.“

 „Coming right up,“she nodded and ran of to the kitchen.Simon went to serve a family with four children, frowning all the way.

 „What’s _Watch Dogs_? Should I understand that reference?“I asked after we were left alone and went to sit at the back like always.

 „I have no idea, but since it’s Simon, I’d bet it‘s a game,“Magnus shrugged.

 „I don’t get why he’s so upset about it.Aren’t there like thousands of other games?Why does one more matter?“I wondered.

 „You’re asking for too many answers from the wrong person, darling.Have you ever seen me play a computer or playstation game?“

 „No, but how do I know you didn’t in the past?“I reasoned.

 „Well, I haven’t.Those things never interested me.Now you know.“

 „Here’s your food guys!“Clary said and served us our orders.We’re regulars here, so she already knows them by heart.I bit into my burger and sighed in delight.They were really the best in New York.

Magnus managed to steal three fries from my plate before I caught him and then we started battling for his.After I got my revenge and some more, I watched him sulk with satisfaction, but then started feeling bad, so I offered him the rest.We really must have looked like crazy kids to unknown onlookers, but none of us cared.

When we finished our lunch, I paid, as I was the one who suggested eating out, and left after saying goodbye to Clary and Simon.

About halfway back to the loft Magnus glanced at his watch and cursed.

 „What time is it?“I asked.

 „Ten to two.That catfish guy should be coming soon,“he said.

 „Let’s hurry up then.I say we race to the loft and the one that loses will be on top for the whole week,“I challenged with an evil smile.Magnus’s eyebrows shot up, like they always do when I talked about sex.I think he still thinks about me as an innocent hospital boy.Well, his flamboyant and provocative personality is rubbing off on me.

 „Challenge accepted, sweetness.Prepare your sweet little ass, because you‘re gonna get it good tonight,“he said and gave the mentioned part of my anatomy a firm slap.

 „We’ll see about that.And no magic!“I warned.

 „You hurt me, Alexander.As if I‘d ever cheat,“he put a hand over his heart in mock hurt.

 „You always cheat,“I pointed out.

 „Are we going to argue or run?“he retorted.

 „On three.“

I counted slowly and on three darted in the direction of the apartment as fast as I could.Magnus wasn’t far behind, in fact he was catching up to me quickly, thanks to his long legs.In the end we both stepped over the threshold at the same time.

 „I won!“Magnus shouted, completely ignoring the person standing in the doorway and crashing into him.

 „No you didn’t, it was a draw!“I said and helped him get up from the ground.

 „Are you okay?“Magnus offered a hand to the man whom he crashed into.

 „Yes, I’m fine,“he waved off and turned to go up the steps.We both went after him.He came to a stop in front of our door.

 „Sorry, are you here to see me?“Magnus asked and pulled out a key.

 „Are you Magnus Bane?“the man asked incredulously and looked my boyfriend up and down again.I didn’t really blame him, Magnus looked as extravagant as ever, in his tight rainbow pants and sequined green tank top, with spiked hair full of purple and blue glitter.

 „Yes,“Magnus nodded.

 „I belive you owe me a catfish,“the man said.

 „Right.“

Magnus guided his client inside and I went to finish a book I started the previous day.It was _Harry Potter_ , something Magnus insisted I have to read.It was pretty good actually.

 „I’m off, darling!Be back before midnight!“Magnus called from the hall half an hour later after he showed the catfish weirdo out.

 „Take care!And by the way, what did he want that catfish for?“I asked-yelled.

 „It was his cursed girlfriend.Apparently she swam away from him.I wonder when he’ll call me to find her again,“Magnus chuckled back.

 „Can’t you turn her back?“

 „I could, but he didn’t want me to.Gotta go now, bye!Love you!“

 „I love you too!“

After the door clicked shut behind him, I went back to my reading and didn’t stop, until I got to the last page.I knew that Magnus has the whole series, so I ventured to his study to take the second book, but my gaze fell on the clock and I realised that it’s already past ten.If I started reading it now, I wouldn’t get any sleep tonight.So instead of reading I went to grab some dinner and settled on watching TV with Chairman purring contently on my lap.

It was well past eleven, when my eyes got heavy and I went to take a bath.I actually enjoyed bathing more then showering, because you can just lie in hot water and relax.I’ve never bathed before moving in with Magnus, so I enjoyed it immensly.And most of the time, when he’s home, he joins me and then we don’t do that much of relaxing anymore.

I blush at the thought, but the steam hides it.Really, we’ve already did so many things, that would cause the old me splutter with embarrassment.I guess Magnus changed me a lot.I still blush at everything, but some part of me is just daring him to come and do whatever he wants.

I sigh in pure bliss and sink deeper into the water, so that only my head was above the surface.I soon get so sleepy, that even the slightest movement seems impossible.Our previous noon shower activities caught up with me and I just wanted to sleep.So I did.

 

I was walking home quickly, already making plans to get Alec into bed with me(not a hard thing to do), when a fire message appeared in front of me.I groaned, it was probably another job request and I was already tired.But when I snatched it from the air, I recognized the handwriting as Ragnor‘s and frowned.He was in Europe with Catarina for half a year now, probably searching for a place to settle down and his last letter came months ago.

I read it and then groaned some more.He wanted to meet up at Central Park right now.He didn’t say why, so I figured it will be something important and took a cab.

 „Maggie!It’s been so long!“he exclaimed loudly and went to give me a hug.

 „Yeah, but that’s your fault for running off to another continent.How’s Catarina?“I asked.

 „Oh, she’s fine, waiting for me in Prague.We’re having a tour tomorrow.You wouldn’t belive how nice Europe is,“he sighed dreamily.

 „We’ve been there together two hundred years ago,“I reminded him.

 „That may be true, but a lot of things changed in that time.You should také Alexander and show him the world.And by the way, how’s he?“

 „He’s okay.Got much better.But I don’t think you called me here on the brink of midnight to tell me about the wonders of Europe or to discuss my life with Alec, so spill your beans, I’ve got a gorgeous boyfriend waiting on me.What’s wrong?“

 „Well…I figured you’ll want your prize for wining the bet.I’ve finished my business with it, so…“he shrugged.

 „It’s nice that you finally admitted defeat,“I grinned.He slapped my shoulder playfully and dug a small package wrapped in brown paper from his pocket.I took it from him.It suddely felt so definite.I now have a book, containing spells, that could change my and Alec’s lives forever.

 „Thank you,Ragnor,“I breathed out, overcome by emotions.I may not have to ever leave Alec’s side.I’ll be able to make him immortal now, if he’ll want it.

Ragnor seemed to picked up on my thoughts, because he smiled brightly on me.

 „I unintentionally ruined his life before.I guess it’s only fair, that I’ll help him be happy now,“he said with a hint of guilt still lingering in his tone.

I put a hand on his shoulder and made him look me in the eye.

 „Ragnor, Alec doesn’t blame you for it anymore, I told you that a long time ago.So stop beating yourself over it and go back to Catarina, I’m sure she’ll have more pleasant activities ready for you,“I said with a smirk.

 „Right.Well, tell him I say hi.And Magnus?Take care of yourself.I’ll probably return in a year or two, after I get bored and then we’ll go on a double date to Asia,“my best friend said with a mischevous grinn.

 „Yeah.Bye and you take care too.“

With that Ragnor disappeared into the night to draw a portal and I hurried back home with the Book of White held tightly to my chest, knowing very well that this book is the most powerfull book of spells ever written.

I opened the door to the loft and stepped inside, surprised to see the lights still on.It was almost one in the morning, surely Alec isn’t waiting for me?

 „Darling?I’m home!“I called softly.I didn’t get a reply, so I figured he just forgot to switch the lights off before going to bed, or fell asleep on the couch.

When I didn’t find him on any of those places, a flick of worry flashed in my head.Where could he be?

Then I saw a strip of light coming from under the bathroom door.He’s probably taking a bath, since the catfish was finally removed.I smirked at Alec’s bathing addiction.He’s never bathed before, so now he does it whenever there’s a chance.

I grinned wickedly.Maybe I could make it even more interesting for him.

I opened the door slowly, to not let him know, but then stopped and smiled fondly at the sight.

Alec was lying in the tub with only his head above it, fast asleep.I probably should have been worried, because what if he slipped under the water in his sleep and drowned?But thank godness, the bath is nonslip all over.

He looked so cute, with his natural sex hair, pale skin and long lashes, that I had to keep myself from swooning.Unfortunately for me, if he’s so tired that he didn’t even get out of the bath, there probably won’t be much physical activity tonight.Oh well, thanks to the Book of White, well have an eternity for such things.

I crouched next to him and brushed his cheek lovingly.

 „Darling?You should get out, before the water cools.You don’t want to catch a cold, do you?“I whispered gently.He just murmured something unintelligible and continued sleeping.I sighed and pulled off my tank top.I didn’t want to get it all wet.Then I slipped my arms under his knees and back and picked him up from the water.He really was like a child, seeking warmth immediately and curling in my arms.I smiled and carried him to our bedroom.I conjured a big towel over the bed, before laying him down on it.After I dried him off I snapped the towel away and covered him over with a blanket.Then I went on the quest to switch all the lights off before returning to the bedroom.

 „Magnus,“Alec sighed softly in his sleep and turned, so that he was lying on my pillow.I smiled at that and undressed, to slip under the covers and pull him close to me.

 „Welcome home,“he murmured into my chest and pressed a kiss there.I planted one into his hair and nuzzled closer, so that our legs were tangled together and our faces only inches apart.

 „Alec?“I asked quietly.

 „Hmm?“

 „Are you happy?“

Bright blue eyes opened into the darkness and blinked few times, full of love.

 „Yes.“

Then we both went to sleep and I made myself a silent promise, that I’ll make sure for him to stay that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo.....how did I do?If you liked it, leave a comment! I'll eventually write some one-shots for this story, so stay tuned for them!  
> Love all of you!  
> Bye!


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